Saturday, December 11, 2010
blue moose
So for those who don't know, I'm going on a summer missions trip to Mansfield. None of you probably even know where that it, it's just a random place in the country. (Y)
So for the last couple of days I've had training for it and it was awesome. The people there were friendly and fun, and just generally awesome. It's different because I'm used to Asians as the majority at church, but at youth dimension (the place that organises blue moose) Asians are the minority. Anyway, meeting all those people was really good, as well as everything I learnt from them was really good as well. The skills we learn not only help us when we are out on missions, but are life skills that all of us who were at the training will cherish for the rest of our lives.
Basically, we learnt how to talk to complete strangers and how to share the gospel with them. Of course not everyone will listen, but we learnt what we should and shouldn't do when talking to people. One of the sessions, we were all driven down to Eastland, and we all had to split up individually and try and start conversations with random strangers in an hour. I didn't go too well but other people had better luck and were able to get better conversations in lol.
Highlight of the training was definitely the people that we met. There was a massive variety of personalities and everyone got along so well. There were some quiet people, and then there are others that are loud and talkative. There was also one guy, who was a lot like Erol, except he talked more and smiled more. His name was Lachie and he had a monotone just like Erol, during our breaks we would have "story-telling will Lachie" and his stories were always hilarious, even though they were just things from his past LOL. One example would be that he told us he didn't know how to use a shower until year 7!
I found out also, that one of the people that trained us went to my school like 10 years ago. Small world huh? I also met these two people who were frisbee enthusiasts, and so at lunchtime we would throw a frisbee around, and one lunchtime we even got a game of ultimate frisbee going! It really was epic.
I even got to share SCANDAL with the people at training, even though none of them were Asian LOL. As soon as I told them that I liked the drummer, they said "FEMALE DRUMMER? HIGH FIVE. THATS A GOOD GIRL RIGHT THERE." LOL
But yeah, it was probably the most fun I've had in a long long time. A lot of the people in my friendship group are boring now, because all they do is stupid things that they think make them cool. But ohwell, it's their life.
Looking forward to missions over New Years!
quotes from training:
"Following the Holy Spirit is an adventure."
"The essence of prayer is humility, a recognition of our limits, helplessness and powerlessness. Prayer helps us recognize our own helplessness so we can call on God."
"Be a friend, be real."
"It's a journey."
"Community is powerful."
"The kingdom reflects the King."
Thursday, December 2, 2010
best female band i've ever seen.
Ok, the title may be a little exaggerated, and also people may not agree with me, since they are a jap band but meh, in my opinion they are awesome.
There are HEAPS of female singers and female groups, but there aren't that many female bands. In this generation there are plenty of female singers and female groups that are popular, most common group i hear about is snsd. But there are almost no female bands that are as popular. Keyword being band. Or maybe I've just never heard of them lol.
SCANDAL on the other hand, I've known about for a while, but I've never gone and searched up their music until recently... and I've found them to be pretty awesome.
Good music, and they're not like the sterotypical band with one singer and everyone else just plays instruments. Everyone in the band sings and plays their own instrument which is pretty cool.
Not to mention they're good looking too haha. I feel like a fanboy hoarding over them, especially the drummer. Oh man Rina is so (Y)(Y)(Y)(Y)(Y) I like fell in love with her LOL >_>
for those that aren't that very bright, Rina the drummer is the one with the drumsticks. |
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
that awkward in-between feeling
You ever get that weird feeling, where you feel stuck in-between opposite feelings or reactions?
Like you want to eat something, but at the same time you don't want to eat anything. Or you want to go out but you don't want to go out as well. You want to go out and meet people, but you don't want to either.
That really awkward feeling.
It really confuses me. I never know what I should actually do, and it's usually when people give a good reason why I should do something, then I'd do it. For me, I'm stuck there right now.
A lot of the time, I want to just stay home and avoid contact with people, but at the same time I don't want to do that because I know it's not good for me. Also, a lot of the time I want to talk to her, but I also don't want to at the same time. Probably because I'm scared of hearing something I don't want to, and that I'd rather stay in this blissful ignorance, but I really miss seeing and talking to her.
I really think that the only thing that has kept me from being completely anti-social is gaming. Suprisingly. If you're reading this, you're probably thinking that msn would also keep me from being anti-social, but you're wrong. I only ever talk to one person on msn, when other people talk to me I'll reply, but I won't make it a long conversation. Gaming on the other hand, is fun and I'm bonding with the guys as well. It gives us something easy to talk about for ages and is also really funny at times. I don't go on facebook that much, not like other people in my social group that are always on facebook. I also don't go out and get drunk like a lot of people in my social group. That's why I stick to gaming. There is never any hard feelings, and its an easy way to have fun with my friends.
I think, if I didn't have that awkward in-between feeling, I'd take the initiative more often. But nowadays, the only things that keep me interested is:
1. Games. Specifically dota, starcraft 2, wc3 funmaps and halo reach.
2. Anime
3. Youth
4. Church
5. Manga
Some of you might think that church is really boring, but in my opinion, you people just don't know how to appreciate it. Listening to the pastors speak you can learn a great deal of things. Also the fellowship with the people at church is really good. I made heaps of friends at church, and they're all in uni or working full time. Helping the church by doing the parking is also really good, it makes me happy to know that we put a smile on peoples faces in the morning when they come to church. It feels like I'm actually doing something that is HELPING other people. Something some people wouldn't be able to understand.
__________________________________________________________
I've been doing tonnes of thinking lately, and I thought, it would be nice to find someone new. For all I know I'm just chasing someone too good for me. I've always wanted to meet someone that was cute and that I enjoyed being around. Those are the only things that could get my heart racing. I've only ever met 4 people like that. One was someone from primary school, who I haven't seen in years. One is someone who I can't talk to without feeling weird because of our past. Another is the person I mention all the time in this blog. And the last is someone from church. Ahhh... If only life was simpler.
Like you want to eat something, but at the same time you don't want to eat anything. Or you want to go out but you don't want to go out as well. You want to go out and meet people, but you don't want to either.
That really awkward feeling.
It really confuses me. I never know what I should actually do, and it's usually when people give a good reason why I should do something, then I'd do it. For me, I'm stuck there right now.
A lot of the time, I want to just stay home and avoid contact with people, but at the same time I don't want to do that because I know it's not good for me. Also, a lot of the time I want to talk to her, but I also don't want to at the same time. Probably because I'm scared of hearing something I don't want to, and that I'd rather stay in this blissful ignorance, but I really miss seeing and talking to her.
I really think that the only thing that has kept me from being completely anti-social is gaming. Suprisingly. If you're reading this, you're probably thinking that msn would also keep me from being anti-social, but you're wrong. I only ever talk to one person on msn, when other people talk to me I'll reply, but I won't make it a long conversation. Gaming on the other hand, is fun and I'm bonding with the guys as well. It gives us something easy to talk about for ages and is also really funny at times. I don't go on facebook that much, not like other people in my social group that are always on facebook. I also don't go out and get drunk like a lot of people in my social group. That's why I stick to gaming. There is never any hard feelings, and its an easy way to have fun with my friends.
I think, if I didn't have that awkward in-between feeling, I'd take the initiative more often. But nowadays, the only things that keep me interested is:
1. Games. Specifically dota, starcraft 2, wc3 funmaps and halo reach.
2. Anime
3. Youth
4. Church
5. Manga
Some of you might think that church is really boring, but in my opinion, you people just don't know how to appreciate it. Listening to the pastors speak you can learn a great deal of things. Also the fellowship with the people at church is really good. I made heaps of friends at church, and they're all in uni or working full time. Helping the church by doing the parking is also really good, it makes me happy to know that we put a smile on peoples faces in the morning when they come to church. It feels like I'm actually doing something that is HELPING other people. Something some people wouldn't be able to understand.
__________________________________________________________
I've been doing tonnes of thinking lately, and I thought, it would be nice to find someone new. For all I know I'm just chasing someone too good for me. I've always wanted to meet someone that was cute and that I enjoyed being around. Those are the only things that could get my heart racing. I've only ever met 4 people like that. One was someone from primary school, who I haven't seen in years. One is someone who I can't talk to without feeling weird because of our past. Another is the person I mention all the time in this blog. And the last is someone from church. Ahhh... If only life was simpler.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
unlimited potential
Exams. People shouldn't feel bad if they don't do well. They either strive for better results, by working harder, or change direction since the subjects they're doing may not be the right ones for them.
Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid. - Einstein.
How awesome would it be if I could just be a cloud. Floating in the sky without a care in the world.
Having no exams really takes the edge off. Even though I didn't really study much for my exams, there was still that nagging feeling that I should be doing something more productive than sitting at home playing games. But now that its all over, that feeling of relaxation really helps me sleep better.
I haven't really kept in contact with people lately. Don't really know why, just ceebs I guess. I've learnt not to bother keeping all those guys in check, no point really. Instead of telling them not to do something, I've learnt to just accept it. Doesn't mean I agree with it though.
Ignorance really is bliss.
Not knowing much about what's going on in her life doesn't seem to worry me much, I don't know why, maybe it just shows how much I trust her? Oh well, I can only hope that I'll see her soon, not much I can do other than that. After all, life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.
Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid. - Einstein.
How awesome would it be if I could just be a cloud. Floating in the sky without a care in the world.
Having no exams really takes the edge off. Even though I didn't really study much for my exams, there was still that nagging feeling that I should be doing something more productive than sitting at home playing games. But now that its all over, that feeling of relaxation really helps me sleep better.
I haven't really kept in contact with people lately. Don't really know why, just ceebs I guess. I've learnt not to bother keeping all those guys in check, no point really. Instead of telling them not to do something, I've learnt to just accept it. Doesn't mean I agree with it though.
Ignorance really is bliss.
Not knowing much about what's going on in her life doesn't seem to worry me much, I don't know why, maybe it just shows how much I trust her? Oh well, I can only hope that I'll see her soon, not much I can do other than that. After all, life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.
We do make an impact on the world we live in and the people around us. That's not a choice we make. The choice is whether we make a positive or negative impact.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
the calm before the storm
ahhh, its been about a week since I last blogged lol. Didn't even realise with so much to do now. I have hardly been on msn and facebook because I've been gaming so much lately. Dota, Halo Reach and Naruto - ultimate ninja storm 2, too much gaming... This is like the calm before the storm because I'm all relaxed, and then in another week its exams. ohwell >_>
I guess, even though I haven't talked to her in so long, seeing as I haven't been on msn and I didn't see her on friday, nothing feels any different. It's as though our bond is strong enough that I don't need to force it to stay there. Of course, I do want to see her, but it's not like I'll never see or talk to her again. I also think that giving her some space is also a good thing. Everyone needs their time alone without someone always talking to them, right? No point adding anything more, some of what I'm feeling I'd much rather keep to myself. It's not like anyone would want to know anyway haha.
Some people may have noticed, some people might not have, but I changed my blog title and header. Its nothing much, the title I'm not going to explain, one of the few things that I change for my own reasons. The picture though, is a picture of a world. I use it to symbolise the quote under it. Now it might make more sense to you... but of course its from Halo Reach which makes it all the more awesome ahaha.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x07nlQcP7vY - Song that describes how I feel pretty well lol.
I guess, even though I haven't talked to her in so long, seeing as I haven't been on msn and I didn't see her on friday, nothing feels any different. It's as though our bond is strong enough that I don't need to force it to stay there. Of course, I do want to see her, but it's not like I'll never see or talk to her again. I also think that giving her some space is also a good thing. Everyone needs their time alone without someone always talking to them, right? No point adding anything more, some of what I'm feeling I'd much rather keep to myself. It's not like anyone would want to know anyway haha.
Some people may have noticed, some people might not have, but I changed my blog title and header. Its nothing much, the title I'm not going to explain, one of the few things that I change for my own reasons. The picture though, is a picture of a world. I use it to symbolise the quote under it. Now it might make more sense to you... but of course its from Halo Reach which makes it all the more awesome ahaha.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x07nlQcP7vY - Song that describes how I feel pretty well lol.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
it always hurts
Having time to think, isn't always a good thing for me. The more I think, the more I doubt that what I'm doing is the right thing to do. I was never that good at waiting, but after all this time, almost 5 months to be exact, I think my patience has gotten better. Every time I see you, I pack all my fear and nervousness away in a box and seal it, so that I can talk to you. You probably don't notice, but I always get nervous when I'm near you. A lot of times, I see you around, such as at box hill on a friday, but I pretend I didn't see you, because I'm scared. I never know what to do, so I just walk away instead. What brings me down, is my jealousy, and how you don't seem to tell me anything that's going on in your life. If something is wrong, I'd like to be there for you, but you don't let me. Even today, msn doesn't want me to talk to you, as it keeps saying that 'the message couldn't be delivered' every time I try and talk to you. A lot of the time, I'm scared of talking to you, because I'm afraid of what I'll hear. I wonder how long I have to wait, until you acknowledge how much I'm willing to do for you. But the question I have to ask myself everyday is; is it worth all this pain? I don't think I'll know, at least not at the moment...
still waiting.
still waiting.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
something I came across....
"To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see everyday, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform."
"Trying to change ourselves in order to please others so that we can feel temporarily whole for having won their approval, is like cutting a flower into pieces so that it will fit into a vase."
and
"Trying to change ourselves in order to please others so that we can feel temporarily whole for having won their approval, is like cutting a flower into pieces so that it will fit into a vase."
Sunday, October 3, 2010
mask
Reminiscing about old times. How things were around this time last year. To think so much could happen in one year, to think so much could change. When I go back and read old message histories, when I go back deep into my memory and fish out those times that I was happy, it gives me a sense of joy, that things could one day be like that again.
I saw, that my ties with a lot of people had fallen away. Especially with a group of people that were really fun to hang out with and were always so lively. I miss those times. I want to be able to just let loose and talk about stupid things like we used to. Make inappropriate jokes and be hyper even though it's like 4:30am. Do random things like making our own version of a christmas carol over msn. Such good times. So, if you're reading this Nika, let's go do something next holidays, after all of our exams ok? Maybe we could even go study together, like the first time we properly met. Or go eat at that jap restaurant in china town. Also, I don't think I'll ever forget the first words you ever said to me on msn :P
I also saw, how blind I was. When I go back and read our message history, I wonder why I was so oblivious. If you said the things that you did back then, to me now, I'd be jumping for joy. So why was I so stupid back then? It makes me wish I could go back in time. But there's nothing I can do about it now. Just have to wait and hope.
The biggest thing I've noticed, is that I've put on a mask. But no-one needs to know what that means. Don't want to sound emo right? haha.
"A ray of hope, a vague wish... can only spark from despair."
I saw, that my ties with a lot of people had fallen away. Especially with a group of people that were really fun to hang out with and were always so lively. I miss those times. I want to be able to just let loose and talk about stupid things like we used to. Make inappropriate jokes and be hyper even though it's like 4:30am. Do random things like making our own version of a christmas carol over msn. Such good times. So, if you're reading this Nika, let's go do something next holidays, after all of our exams ok? Maybe we could even go study together, like the first time we properly met. Or go eat at that jap restaurant in china town. Also, I don't think I'll ever forget the first words you ever said to me on msn :P
I also saw, how blind I was. When I go back and read our message history, I wonder why I was so oblivious. If you said the things that you did back then, to me now, I'd be jumping for joy. So why was I so stupid back then? It makes me wish I could go back in time. But there's nothing I can do about it now. Just have to wait and hope.
The biggest thing I've noticed, is that I've put on a mask. But no-one needs to know what that means. Don't want to sound emo right? haha.
"A ray of hope, a vague wish... can only spark from despair."
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
"There can be no deep disappointment, without deep love."
Just like the title says. I feel really down, but I guess I only feel like this, because I really wanted to see you. You said you were busy, but a part of me tells me that you just aren't sure if you want to see me or not. I wonder, is it really that hard, to come out and watch a movie? I'm sure, that you would go if it was any other guy. Why not then?
I finally plucked up the courage to ask you to go somewhere on the holidays, after I put it off for an entire week, and then I get a maybe, which turned into a no. I never would have thought, that it would be so depressing. I left msn early, because I couldn't talk to you, without feeling sad, so I decided to game, to take my mind off things...It didn't work, I wasn't in the mood for anything. I wanted to do something to make myself happier, but nothing seemed appealing.
Should I even bother next time? Is it even worth all this trouble?
I kept myself as free as possible, in the hope that we would go somewhere, I only go to the things that I can't or shouldn't avoid. You said to me, that you'd see me after youth camp, of course we would, at youth. I had hoped you meant over the holidays, but I guess I was wrong.
Even though I'm pretty down because of all this, I'll keep getting back up, because I don't want to lose someone precious. Although, I wonder if it really is worth all this. People have told me constantly to give up, others keep encouraging me. But it's to the point where, whatever someone else says, nothing will change, unless I want it to change. I want to further our relationship, but I can see that you don't want to, that's why I'm waiting, but the only thing that I don't want, is to lose you.
to the world you may be one person, but to me...
you are the world.
I finally plucked up the courage to ask you to go somewhere on the holidays, after I put it off for an entire week, and then I get a maybe, which turned into a no. I never would have thought, that it would be so depressing. I left msn early, because I couldn't talk to you, without feeling sad, so I decided to game, to take my mind off things...It didn't work, I wasn't in the mood for anything. I wanted to do something to make myself happier, but nothing seemed appealing.
Should I even bother next time? Is it even worth all this trouble?
I kept myself as free as possible, in the hope that we would go somewhere, I only go to the things that I can't or shouldn't avoid. You said to me, that you'd see me after youth camp, of course we would, at youth. I had hoped you meant over the holidays, but I guess I was wrong.
Even though I'm pretty down because of all this, I'll keep getting back up, because I don't want to lose someone precious. Although, I wonder if it really is worth all this. People have told me constantly to give up, others keep encouraging me. But it's to the point where, whatever someone else says, nothing will change, unless I want it to change. I want to further our relationship, but I can see that you don't want to, that's why I'm waiting, but the only thing that I don't want, is to lose you.
to the world you may be one person, but to me...
you are the world.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
youth camp 2010.
So for the past few days I've been at youth camp. If I had to sum it up in one word, that word would have to be empowering. So much has happened during these past 3 days, not only for me, but for everyone else that was there as well. In all my time at youth, I have never seen the people of youth so impacted by God's word.
Of course, there are people that I wish had gone. Some of them because I wanted to see them there, and others because I feel that they would have needed it. But I've learnt that God put those people there for a reason, and the for the people that weren't there, it just isn't time yet. After all, God works in mysterious ways.
This picture, is the picture that I had chosen that best represents my walk, or my relationship with God. During worship in the morning of the second day, we were all asked to go to the back of the room, and out of the photos on the floor, pick the one that best represents your relationship with God. Your own personal walk. To anyone else, they may not see anything special about this picture. They don't see what I would see. To me, this picture definitely represents where I'm at, because it is a picture, of someone how had just left a tunnel. That may not mean much now, but let me explain. I haven't been Christian, for a long time. I never grew up in a Christian family, I never went to church when I was going up, and so I was always left in the darkness. Even after I had accepted Christ, I was still in that darkness. These things happen over time, they don't just suddenly happen once you accept Christ into your life. So I've been lost in the dark, for who knows how long, and it wasn't actually until Hillsong this year, that I got the feeling that I knew what I was meant to do as a follower of Jesus. That darkness, is the tunnel. In that tunnel, there was no light, and so I could only grope my way around in the dark to find my way. But then Hillsong came, and afterwards, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was still far, the path still wasn't clear, but it was there, and I could only slowly work my way towards it. In the time between Hillsong and camp, a lot of things happened. But when I came to camp, after hearing Hannah ask us what our heart condition was, and after Amir asked us what the soil of our heart looks like, I realised that I had almost reached the end of the tunnel. Things were clear for me. I knew what I should be doing as a follower of Jesus, and that was to help other people, get to know Jesus Christ. I was really glad, that things had become clear to me.
For me, the highlight of the camp was on the second night. After Hannah had spoken, there was an altar call. The leaders, prayed for the people that had gone up, as well as for each other. When I was up there, the things around me were just blocked out, and it was just me and God. Then Jess came to me. I thought, that she was going to pray for me. But it wasn't like that, She prayed alongside me. She told me, that she feels that I already know what I was supposed to do. Now, I never told her about any of this, I had only told the people in my tribe. So this came as a really big shock for me. She asked me to pray in tongues, and so we were both praying. And then Duc also came and laid his hand on me. Then something interesting happened. Jess started praying, and she felt God tell her, to dress me up in the armour of God. Not as words, but as an action. I had lifted up the Shield of Faith, and the Sword of Spirit. That was to protect me, as I was heading into a spiritual battle, to help others. After Jess left, Duc then prayed for me. He told me, that "many are called, but few are chosen" and that really hit me. It was for me as an Evangelist. So that I could go and minister to other people. Considering the things that happened between Hillsong and Camp, and the things my friends have done, has really opened my eyes to where I should minister to first. I was equipped with the armour of God, so that I may be protected in this long battle. When I was talking to Jess and Chau about all this during lunch on the last day, everything just seemed to fall into place. How things became clear, that I should minister to others.
But what REALLY got me, was something that I checked when I got home. A few months back, it was in June I think, we had a leaders meeting, where we just prayed for everyone. I had a record, of what was prayed for me, and I looked it up. Jess, had actually prayed about me being an Evangelist, and that I should minister with joy. I was seriously speechless. Now, I just need to prepare myself mentally and emotionally, for whats to come.
"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed." - 1 Peter 1:6 - 7
Of course, there are people that I wish had gone. Some of them because I wanted to see them there, and others because I feel that they would have needed it. But I've learnt that God put those people there for a reason, and the for the people that weren't there, it just isn't time yet. After all, God works in mysterious ways.
picture, representing my walk with God |
For me, the highlight of the camp was on the second night. After Hannah had spoken, there was an altar call. The leaders, prayed for the people that had gone up, as well as for each other. When I was up there, the things around me were just blocked out, and it was just me and God. Then Jess came to me. I thought, that she was going to pray for me. But it wasn't like that, She prayed alongside me. She told me, that she feels that I already know what I was supposed to do. Now, I never told her about any of this, I had only told the people in my tribe. So this came as a really big shock for me. She asked me to pray in tongues, and so we were both praying. And then Duc also came and laid his hand on me. Then something interesting happened. Jess started praying, and she felt God tell her, to dress me up in the armour of God. Not as words, but as an action. I had lifted up the Shield of Faith, and the Sword of Spirit. That was to protect me, as I was heading into a spiritual battle, to help others. After Jess left, Duc then prayed for me. He told me, that "many are called, but few are chosen" and that really hit me. It was for me as an Evangelist. So that I could go and minister to other people. Considering the things that happened between Hillsong and Camp, and the things my friends have done, has really opened my eyes to where I should minister to first. I was equipped with the armour of God, so that I may be protected in this long battle. When I was talking to Jess and Chau about all this during lunch on the last day, everything just seemed to fall into place. How things became clear, that I should minister to others.
But what REALLY got me, was something that I checked when I got home. A few months back, it was in June I think, we had a leaders meeting, where we just prayed for everyone. I had a record, of what was prayed for me, and I looked it up. Jess, had actually prayed about me being an Evangelist, and that I should minister with joy. I was seriously speechless. Now, I just need to prepare myself mentally and emotionally, for whats to come.
"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed." - 1 Peter 1:6 - 7
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
confusion
What is a person meant to do, when they are confused? When there are conflicting ideas and hopes coursing through you, how do you differentiate what you should and shouldn't do or think. Confusion, is something that people face every single day of their lives. It may be in class, when they think something is right, but everyone says that something else is right, then you have no idea which is right and which is wrong. It could be when talking to people, you don't know how to correctly word something so the other person won't take offense, and become confused in all the ways you can convey your message.
For me, it's in everyday life. I'm constantly confused about what I should be worried about. This has nothing to do with school, it's about that 'other thing'. Sometimes, I wish I could just get into your head, so that I will know and understand, and then I won't be so confused anymore.
But it's definitely different for other people.Some people may be confused about what they want, such as their career or dreams. Some people might just be confused about what they should eat. When people are confused, they tend to make the wrong choices. You can trust me on that one. Just like in a pokemon game, when a pokemon gets confused, they have a chance to hurt themselves.
For me, it's in everyday life. I'm constantly confused about what I should be worried about. This has nothing to do with school, it's about that 'other thing'. Sometimes, I wish I could just get into your head, so that I will know and understand, and then I won't be so confused anymore.
But it's definitely different for other people.Some people may be confused about what they want, such as their career or dreams. Some people might just be confused about what they should eat. When people are confused, they tend to make the wrong choices. You can trust me on that one. Just like in a pokemon game, when a pokemon gets confused, they have a chance to hurt themselves.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
free thought storage
So. I guess my blog is really just 'free thought storage'. A place where I can put my thoughts, and then refer back to them if I feel like it. It's nice to be able to vent somewhere, without people constantly asking me if there is something wrong.
Anyway, yesterday at youth was pretty good in my opinion. Seeing people who don't go up for testimonies often, like Claudine, it really makes the night better, knowing that slowly, the youth is becoming braver and braver about sharing God with people. Tribes was also really good. Especially when Amir did this role-play thing to show the guys more a more practical version of the armor of God.
But the highlight of the night for me, was at the end of the night, even though it was something soooooo tiny that no-one else probably would have even noticed or cared about. And that was: when I got up to get food because Thomas asked me to, and you asked me where I was going. Even though I wasn't talking to you at that moment, when you asked, it showed me that you care. I don't know how much, but even a little is fine. It made my night significantly better. Even though I got a different 'goodbye' than everyone else, it didn't bother me too much.
You probably don't notice it, but you treat me differently. I noticed the way to treat and talk to other guys, and it seems to be different than when you talk to me. I've grown accustomed to it, but it still makes me wonder why. You seem to be more nervous around me, than you are around other guys. Who knows why. But that's just the feeling that I get. I don't think I'll go into detail, but it makes me wonder every single time.
Also, something I noticed as I was typing this. My hands tend to shake, when I write about you. Maybe I'm scared about what would happen if I lose you. Maybe I'm just tired. I really don't know. All I do know, is that my hands were shaking when I was typing this. Haha, yes, I know I'm weird.
but I hope that you know, I'm still waiting.
Anyway, yesterday at youth was pretty good in my opinion. Seeing people who don't go up for testimonies often, like Claudine, it really makes the night better, knowing that slowly, the youth is becoming braver and braver about sharing God with people. Tribes was also really good. Especially when Amir did this role-play thing to show the guys more a more practical version of the armor of God.
But the highlight of the night for me, was at the end of the night, even though it was something soooooo tiny that no-one else probably would have even noticed or cared about. And that was: when I got up to get food because Thomas asked me to, and you asked me where I was going. Even though I wasn't talking to you at that moment, when you asked, it showed me that you care. I don't know how much, but even a little is fine. It made my night significantly better. Even though I got a different 'goodbye' than everyone else, it didn't bother me too much.
You probably don't notice it, but you treat me differently. I noticed the way to treat and talk to other guys, and it seems to be different than when you talk to me. I've grown accustomed to it, but it still makes me wonder why. You seem to be more nervous around me, than you are around other guys. Who knows why. But that's just the feeling that I get. I don't think I'll go into detail, but it makes me wonder every single time.
Also, something I noticed as I was typing this. My hands tend to shake, when I write about you. Maybe I'm scared about what would happen if I lose you. Maybe I'm just tired. I really don't know. All I do know, is that my hands were shaking when I was typing this. Haha, yes, I know I'm weird.
but I hope that you know, I'm still waiting.
Monday, September 6, 2010
circles
Its a circle. Simple as that. Why?
Think about the shape of a circle.
Can you pinpoint the start and the end? No you can't.
Can you see any gaps? No you can't.
A circle is the best representation, because it is continuous. I've already gotten lost before, so I only vaguely remember the start, and I honestly don't see an end. There are no gaps, because there are no more problems. Whether I'm in pain or not, it'll still be there, forever. Because it is continuous. It'll just keep going around and around, in a never-ending loop. For all I know, I've already been walking in a circle for months. Not making any progress, not showing you my persistence.
But I don't mind. I'd rather be walking around in a circle, than to be completely lost. All it would take, is one intervention, and I'd already be on a path. I don't know how long it will take. I don't know if I'm just too stubborn to give up. And I definitely don't know what I have to do. Everything is stuck on loop.
What I do know though, is that 'it's' like a circle - continuous.
And that I'm still waiting.
Think about the shape of a circle.
Can you pinpoint the start and the end? No you can't.
Can you see any gaps? No you can't.
A circle is the best representation, because it is continuous. I've already gotten lost before, so I only vaguely remember the start, and I honestly don't see an end. There are no gaps, because there are no more problems. Whether I'm in pain or not, it'll still be there, forever. Because it is continuous. It'll just keep going around and around, in a never-ending loop. For all I know, I've already been walking in a circle for months. Not making any progress, not showing you my persistence.
But I don't mind. I'd rather be walking around in a circle, than to be completely lost. All it would take, is one intervention, and I'd already be on a path. I don't know how long it will take. I don't know if I'm just too stubborn to give up. And I definitely don't know what I have to do. Everything is stuck on loop.
What I do know though, is that 'it's' like a circle - continuous.
And that I'm still waiting.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
...
...you know, what I've found, that helps me clear my head?
A nice leisurely stroll at night.
It's more peaceful than the daytime, and you tend to notice things you normally wouldn't. Of course, there's still the risk of getting raped, but I like to think that my chances for that are pretty low...
I can take my time without having the awkwardness of someone passing me. I can just randomly stop, think, and embrace the cool air that is blowing against me, without people looking at me weirdly.
An escape.
Watching stuff also helps me take my mind off things. I've recently watched Liar Game, and it's pretty epic. Watching it kinda makes me wish I took psychology, but ohwell. But now I wish I got the movie for the final stage as well... It makes me wonder how they're gonna bring Erika Toda back into it, she's not supposed to be in the final stage... >_> I need to hunt it down soon.
I guess, doing these sorts of things to take my mind off 'things'... really does show that I'm still just a naive little kid. Don't you think...?
A nice leisurely stroll at night.
It's more peaceful than the daytime, and you tend to notice things you normally wouldn't. Of course, there's still the risk of getting raped, but I like to think that my chances for that are pretty low...
I can take my time without having the awkwardness of someone passing me. I can just randomly stop, think, and embrace the cool air that is blowing against me, without people looking at me weirdly.
An escape.
Watching stuff also helps me take my mind off things. I've recently watched Liar Game, and it's pretty epic. Watching it kinda makes me wish I took psychology, but ohwell. But now I wish I got the movie for the final stage as well... It makes me wonder how they're gonna bring Erika Toda back into it, she's not supposed to be in the final stage... >_> I need to hunt it down soon.
I guess, doing these sorts of things to take my mind off 'things'... really does show that I'm still just a naive little kid. Don't you think...?
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
school?
I've realised today, that I have a lot of really good teachers.There's only one, that is bad, and I don't really care about that subject anyway.
First, would have to be Methods. Anthony and Thomas would know what I'm talking about. Miss Alexandrou is the best teacher I've ever had. She teaches well, and she doesn't care about what I'm doing, most of the time. She never checks homework, and she is just too nice. We usually spend half the lesson talking to her about random things. For example, how often she goes RAVING. Even though she's already told us that she doesn't go raving, we bag her about it anyway. Also, ever since Thomas got her friend as a tutor, Chin has been bagging her about him as well. She also lets us listen to music in class. Of course, she doesn't let some people listen to it when she's teaching, but she doesn't care if I listen to music in class, since my marks are fine.
Next up would be Physics. Ahhh, Mr. Duong. Another one of my really good teachers. I can sum him up in one sentence. He plays World of Warcraft (WOW). Anyway, Duong has this competitive edge against other physics teachers, which is mainly Ms. Raus. He knows he's not as smart as her, but he still wants our class to do better than hers, even though her class has all the smart people in it. He teaches really well as well, and the notes that he gives us is really good. As long as I have copied down the notes, I could sit on the science benches, lay on my back and listen to music, and he wouldn't even care. When I talk to him, he tells me a lot of random things. Like how the school has no hope for my sister's year level. During our Sacs, he is usually playing WOW, and if he isn't, he's sleeping. That's how much he trusts our class. Even when there was a fire emergency, and teachers told him to take our class to the oval, the look on his face was 'Do I have to? >_>'.
One time, when I went to library to get my inquiry set done...
Duong: "Ka Ho." (thats my chinese name if people were wondering, it was on the roll, so that's how my teacher knows...)
Andy: "oh. Hey Mr. Duong. Can you help me with my inquiry set?"
Duong: "Well, I'm actually supposed to go have lunch now..."
Andy: "Nah, don't worry, it's just a quick question."
Duong: "hmmm. I'm a bit busy at the moment though..."
*Looks over at his laptop*
Andy: "Are you seriously playing WOW during yard duty?"
Duong: "Don't just shout it across the library... >_>"
Third would be General Maths Standard, or GMS for short. Even though I haven't been in that class for long, Mr. Mcarthy is pretty cool. The way he talks to you when he's not being serious is the same as when he talks to you normally, that's what makes it funny. Like, when I asked him if he would sign me off for further...
Andy: "hey mr.mac, can you sign me off for further?"
Mr.Mac: *getting his pen out* "Is your average over 60?"
Andy: "Well, I've only done 2 tests..."
Mr.Mac: "And what did you get?"
Andy: "98 and 98..."
Mr.Mac: "Well that's JUST over 60..."
What also makes him pretty cool, is that he makes bets with John. That if John get's 100% on the next test, he would make a video for John, of him marking his test, and then starting to cry like the guy in the double rainbow video. But then again, John also made that same bet with me, that if he gets 100% I'd have to give him my unconditional love...But me and Mr.Mcarthy both know that he wouldn't, that's why we made that bet. Whenever I'm not doing any work and Mr.Mcarthy asks me why I'm just sitting there. I tell him that I don't need to do any work, and then he tells me that's why i dont get 100%... ): But he's still one of my better teachers.
4th up, is Chem. Chem is generally a hard subject, especially if the topic you're doing is boring. Ms. Adams is the best Chem teacher for our year level, so I'm pretty lucky to have her. I remember when I had her last year for Maths, she had me, Anthony and Hansol permanently separated. That sucked. But we still called out to each other across the room. This year, it's not as exciting, but she's still a good teacher nonetheless. Recently, I've been slacking off in Chem, due to lack of interest. Stoichometry and Redox is not my sort of thing. Learning all those calculations and how to write redox equations is so boring. It's almost as though I'm taking another maths subject. Today, I asked Ms.Adams why this chapter is so boring, and then she said that its different for each person. And then she tried to get me interested by asking me all these questions about rusting and corrosion. I thanked her for the effort though LOL. At least she tried? haha.
Then it would be english. Normally, English would be at the bottom of everything for me, since its my worst subject, but Ms.Thompson just beats the last teacher. Even though she can't really teach, she is still really nice. She's also a drama teacher, so sometimes she would play games with us just because she didn't feel like doing any work. She also has crappy hearing, so we can talk in class, and most of the time it would seem really soft to her. Sometimes she's probably too nice...
And now, Last and definetly least, Philosophy. Now, don't get me wrong, Mr. Durkin is probably one of the smartest teachers in the school when it comes to overall knowledge, but he just can't teach. Even if his life depended on it. He is usually as strict as a normal teacher would be, no gum, no headphones, no talking while hes talking. But you cannot argue back with him. He is too smart. He would either just prove you wrong, make you dig your own hole, or lead you into a trap, so that you would lose the argument. It's entertaining though, but he is probably my worst teacher...
In order one to six: Methods, Physics, GMS, Chem, English, Philosophy. I think my bs luck got me all those good teachers... :D
I REALLY hope that I get good teachers next year though...
First, would have to be Methods. Anthony and Thomas would know what I'm talking about. Miss Alexandrou is the best teacher I've ever had. She teaches well, and she doesn't care about what I'm doing, most of the time. She never checks homework, and she is just too nice. We usually spend half the lesson talking to her about random things. For example, how often she goes RAVING. Even though she's already told us that she doesn't go raving, we bag her about it anyway. Also, ever since Thomas got her friend as a tutor, Chin has been bagging her about him as well. She also lets us listen to music in class. Of course, she doesn't let some people listen to it when she's teaching, but she doesn't care if I listen to music in class, since my marks are fine.
Next up would be Physics. Ahhh, Mr. Duong. Another one of my really good teachers. I can sum him up in one sentence. He plays World of Warcraft (WOW). Anyway, Duong has this competitive edge against other physics teachers, which is mainly Ms. Raus. He knows he's not as smart as her, but he still wants our class to do better than hers, even though her class has all the smart people in it. He teaches really well as well, and the notes that he gives us is really good. As long as I have copied down the notes, I could sit on the science benches, lay on my back and listen to music, and he wouldn't even care. When I talk to him, he tells me a lot of random things. Like how the school has no hope for my sister's year level. During our Sacs, he is usually playing WOW, and if he isn't, he's sleeping. That's how much he trusts our class. Even when there was a fire emergency, and teachers told him to take our class to the oval, the look on his face was 'Do I have to? >_>'.
One time, when I went to library to get my inquiry set done...
Duong: "Ka Ho." (thats my chinese name if people were wondering, it was on the roll, so that's how my teacher knows...)
Andy: "oh. Hey Mr. Duong. Can you help me with my inquiry set?"
Duong: "Well, I'm actually supposed to go have lunch now..."
Andy: "Nah, don't worry, it's just a quick question."
Duong: "hmmm. I'm a bit busy at the moment though..."
*Looks over at his laptop*
Andy: "Are you seriously playing WOW during yard duty?"
Duong: "Don't just shout it across the library... >_>"
Third would be General Maths Standard, or GMS for short. Even though I haven't been in that class for long, Mr. Mcarthy is pretty cool. The way he talks to you when he's not being serious is the same as when he talks to you normally, that's what makes it funny. Like, when I asked him if he would sign me off for further...
Andy: "hey mr.mac, can you sign me off for further?"
Mr.Mac: *getting his pen out* "Is your average over 60?"
Andy: "Well, I've only done 2 tests..."
Mr.Mac: "And what did you get?"
Andy: "98 and 98..."
Mr.Mac: "Well that's JUST over 60..."
What also makes him pretty cool, is that he makes bets with John. That if John get's 100% on the next test, he would make a video for John, of him marking his test, and then starting to cry like the guy in the double rainbow video. But then again, John also made that same bet with me, that if he gets 100% I'd have to give him my unconditional love...But me and Mr.Mcarthy both know that he wouldn't, that's why we made that bet. Whenever I'm not doing any work and Mr.Mcarthy asks me why I'm just sitting there. I tell him that I don't need to do any work, and then he tells me that's why i dont get 100%... ): But he's still one of my better teachers.
4th up, is Chem. Chem is generally a hard subject, especially if the topic you're doing is boring. Ms. Adams is the best Chem teacher for our year level, so I'm pretty lucky to have her. I remember when I had her last year for Maths, she had me, Anthony and Hansol permanently separated. That sucked. But we still called out to each other across the room. This year, it's not as exciting, but she's still a good teacher nonetheless. Recently, I've been slacking off in Chem, due to lack of interest. Stoichometry and Redox is not my sort of thing. Learning all those calculations and how to write redox equations is so boring. It's almost as though I'm taking another maths subject. Today, I asked Ms.Adams why this chapter is so boring, and then she said that its different for each person. And then she tried to get me interested by asking me all these questions about rusting and corrosion. I thanked her for the effort though LOL. At least she tried? haha.
Then it would be english. Normally, English would be at the bottom of everything for me, since its my worst subject, but Ms.Thompson just beats the last teacher. Even though she can't really teach, she is still really nice. She's also a drama teacher, so sometimes she would play games with us just because she didn't feel like doing any work. She also has crappy hearing, so we can talk in class, and most of the time it would seem really soft to her. Sometimes she's probably too nice...
And now, Last and definetly least, Philosophy. Now, don't get me wrong, Mr. Durkin is probably one of the smartest teachers in the school when it comes to overall knowledge, but he just can't teach. Even if his life depended on it. He is usually as strict as a normal teacher would be, no gum, no headphones, no talking while hes talking. But you cannot argue back with him. He is too smart. He would either just prove you wrong, make you dig your own hole, or lead you into a trap, so that you would lose the argument. It's entertaining though, but he is probably my worst teacher...
In order one to six: Methods, Physics, GMS, Chem, English, Philosophy. I think my bs luck got me all those good teachers... :D
I REALLY hope that I get good teachers next year though...
Sunday, August 29, 2010
After it rains.
Do you know whats funny? The fact that it has stopped raining, and that the sun is out. Now, no matter where I look, I see light. When I look up to the sky after it rains, the clouds are parting, and that ray of light shines down. And now, even if I look down, I can still see that light.
Einstein once said, that "coincidences are God's way of staying anonymous." I can't help but believe this.
The Emperor Penguin. I think that they're pretty awesome. You know, when 2 of those penguins mate, the female lays eggs and the male takes care of them. The female leaves in search of food while the male stays and takes care of the eggs. The male, endures through everything, while he waits for the female. At that same time, the female is searching for food. The 2 penguins are faithful each other, and would go through harsh conditions for each other. I just find this pretty awesome, don't you think?
took this at mount station when i was alone lol |
The Emperor Penguin. I think that they're pretty awesome. You know, when 2 of those penguins mate, the female lays eggs and the male takes care of them. The female leaves in search of food while the male stays and takes care of the eggs. The male, endures through everything, while he waits for the female. At that same time, the female is searching for food. The 2 penguins are faithful each other, and would go through harsh conditions for each other. I just find this pretty awesome, don't you think?
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
form of happiness.
Well, there were a few answers to the question I put last post. But I was surprised at how only a few people gave me an answer. I thought there were more people that read my blog? Maybe some people didn't have an answer though haha.
Ok. So the question was: "If happiness could take on any form, what would it look like?"
I got 2 answers from people. One, was that happiness would be in the form of mango pudding. So I guess that could be interpreted as something you love. Another answer I got was banksys in bankstown. That answer, I know you're just being an idiot. Who would think banksy is the form of happiness? :P ahaha
Anyway, I thought about that question when it came up in 'Code Geass' and so of course, they would have given an answer. and their answer was pretty epic, so you might want to hold on to your chair..
"It might be something like glass...because one doesn't notice it normally. However, it is actually there. As proof, if you change the angle you look at it, the glass will reflect light. It will state it's presence and existence more eloquently than any other thing in the world."
That was one of the best ways that I have ever heard something like happiness be described. But in my own opinion, happiness is something that is far too complex to be able to describe with a form. Happiness is one of those things, that grabs you when you least expect it. Different people see it different ways. There can't be one universally accepted form of happiness. Some people might say laughter, but then there are people that force laughter, and that isn't happiness. It's too complex, too many levels to be able to be described with one form. I believe, that true happiness will come, and go, without you realising it. That is why, it can't possibly have a single form, something that you can see, but not notice, something that brings about a glow in someone, something that can be transferred to others in a mysterious way, something that doesn't discriminate. I can't think of one thing with all of those qualities. But that's just my opinion.
It makes me wonder, when will I find true happiness? hmm.
Ok. So the question was: "If happiness could take on any form, what would it look like?"
I got 2 answers from people. One, was that happiness would be in the form of mango pudding. So I guess that could be interpreted as something you love. Another answer I got was banksys in bankstown. That answer, I know you're just being an idiot. Who would think banksy is the form of happiness? :P ahaha
Anyway, I thought about that question when it came up in 'Code Geass' and so of course, they would have given an answer. and their answer was pretty epic, so you might want to hold on to your chair..
"It might be something like glass...because one doesn't notice it normally. However, it is actually there. As proof, if you change the angle you look at it, the glass will reflect light. It will state it's presence and existence more eloquently than any other thing in the world."
That was one of the best ways that I have ever heard something like happiness be described. But in my own opinion, happiness is something that is far too complex to be able to describe with a form. Happiness is one of those things, that grabs you when you least expect it. Different people see it different ways. There can't be one universally accepted form of happiness. Some people might say laughter, but then there are people that force laughter, and that isn't happiness. It's too complex, too many levels to be able to be described with one form. I believe, that true happiness will come, and go, without you realising it. That is why, it can't possibly have a single form, something that you can see, but not notice, something that brings about a glow in someone, something that can be transferred to others in a mysterious way, something that doesn't discriminate. I can't think of one thing with all of those qualities. But that's just my opinion.
It makes me wonder, when will I find true happiness? hmm.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
14 hours left.
I AM SO HUNGRY. I feel like i'm dying D:
I really don't know how all the kids in Africa do this every single day of their lives.. D: It's so hard, and it doesn't help when your family is eating in front of you >_>
I only have 14 more hours left before I can eat, I now have a new found love for food. I can't believe I took it for granted for so long. Not being able to eat makes me feel so weak, no energy to do anything. D: I'M ALMOST THERE. ASNUINFJFSDNA.
Also, there was something that got me thinking while I was watching Code Geass. And I thought that I'd share it. If you're reading this, can you think about this and give me an answer? Anything is appreciated haha.
I really don't know how all the kids in Africa do this every single day of their lives.. D: It's so hard, and it doesn't help when your family is eating in front of you >_>
I only have 14 more hours left before I can eat, I now have a new found love for food. I can't believe I took it for granted for so long. Not being able to eat makes me feel so weak, no energy to do anything. D: I'M ALMOST THERE. ASNUINFJFSDNA.
Also, there was something that got me thinking while I was watching Code Geass. And I thought that I'd share it. If you're reading this, can you think about this and give me an answer? Anything is appreciated haha.
"If happiness could take on any form, what would it look like?"
Monday, August 16, 2010
meet my friend.
my friend Dany. |
I guess it's a good thing that my friend doesn't get sick very easily. But I wish I could help him.
On a different note...
cartoon that my primary school friend made (Y) |
That is exactly why I don't do well in english. Thanks Jonathan for the awesome picture :P
Saturday, August 14, 2010
winter
This is the kind of weather I expect in winter. But I still wonder, if there will be a ray of light through the clouds. Or maybe, a rainbow if I'm lucky. I have had a lucky streak these past few days though...so you never know? heh.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
recent days.
Recently its been raining quite a lot. The sky seems to be really dull most of the time. Hardly any rays of lights through the clouds.
And I think it's pretty fitting. It makes me feel as though even the sky can share my pain. I wonder, what has changed...?
And I think it's pretty fitting. It makes me feel as though even the sky can share my pain. I wonder, what has changed...?
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
random stuff
This is probably just a different thing for me to write about, instead of the usual haha. Just something random I thought I might share.
First off, a word that I hardly ever use. I don't think I've ever used this word in a normal conversation, the only time I would have used it, would be in class...
that word is: perfect
Why? Because the word itself is really strong. Too strong. There's nothing in this world that is 100% perfect. It's just a word for wishful thinkers. And plus, if something was perfect, then there would be nothing left. No room for improvement, no goal, no place left to become better. If I ever do use the word perfect to describe something, I either have no other way to describe it, or I really mean that whatever I'm describing is perfect.
Next on the list, are some of the weird things in my life...
- I have a morning routine. LOL. It's almost always the same, unless for some reason I'm running REALLY late..
- I tend to go on msn only after dinner, and even if it's after dinner I might not go on. I don't really know why, but sometimes I do go on sometime other than after dinner. I just find other things to do.
- I pretty much only talk to one person on msn. ._. and yes, I have no friends. Occasionally, I talk to other people, such as rapta, eric, jonathan, and other random people, but I'm never the one to start it unless its important or I'm really bored. And again, I don't really know why... |:
- When I don't really feel like talking to anyone, I just jump on my xbox, turn the volume up, and close the doors. Blocking everything out. Yeah it is weird, but it helps in a way... Too bad my sister always ends up bothering me anyway >_>
- I don't get stressed. Stress doesn't seem to work with me. I guess it's a good thing, but then sometimes I get too lazy... For some reason, no matter what happens, I just don't seem to get stressed. No matter how crap things look, I won't panic or get stressed. :S Sometimes I feel as though I'm too calm about things... :S
yeahhhhhh.... |: well that was a nice change of pace. It turns out, that a lot of people read my blog, that I didn't even know about... so I think I'm gonna think more about how I word things from now on... haha.
I hope whoever is reading this now liked that little bit of insight into the life of andy choi. :D
still waiting.
First off, a word that I hardly ever use. I don't think I've ever used this word in a normal conversation, the only time I would have used it, would be in class...
that word is: perfect
Why? Because the word itself is really strong. Too strong. There's nothing in this world that is 100% perfect. It's just a word for wishful thinkers. And plus, if something was perfect, then there would be nothing left. No room for improvement, no goal, no place left to become better. If I ever do use the word perfect to describe something, I either have no other way to describe it, or I really mean that whatever I'm describing is perfect.
Next on the list, are some of the weird things in my life...
- I have a morning routine. LOL. It's almost always the same, unless for some reason I'm running REALLY late..
- I tend to go on msn only after dinner, and even if it's after dinner I might not go on. I don't really know why, but sometimes I do go on sometime other than after dinner. I just find other things to do.
- I pretty much only talk to one person on msn. ._. and yes, I have no friends. Occasionally, I talk to other people, such as rapta, eric, jonathan, and other random people, but I'm never the one to start it unless its important or I'm really bored. And again, I don't really know why... |:
- When I don't really feel like talking to anyone, I just jump on my xbox, turn the volume up, and close the doors. Blocking everything out. Yeah it is weird, but it helps in a way... Too bad my sister always ends up bothering me anyway >_>
- I don't get stressed. Stress doesn't seem to work with me. I guess it's a good thing, but then sometimes I get too lazy... For some reason, no matter what happens, I just don't seem to get stressed. No matter how crap things look, I won't panic or get stressed. :S Sometimes I feel as though I'm too calm about things... :S
yeahhhhhh.... |: well that was a nice change of pace. It turns out, that a lot of people read my blog, that I didn't even know about... so I think I'm gonna think more about how I word things from now on... haha.
I hope whoever is reading this now liked that little bit of insight into the life of andy choi. :D
still waiting.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
a story.
Once upon a time, there lived a little boy. He wasn't very special, nor was he very good at any one thing. You could say that he could do a lot of things, but he was never the best at it, there was always someone better. He was never bothered by this though. He always thought, that it all balances out, so being average at everything was fine by him. He figured, that he had a gift for learning. He always seemed to be able to pick things up really quickly, despite how hard it may be. That boy was seen to be a generally nice person. It wasn't an easy task to make him angry, annoyed or sad, because he was an optimist. Always looking for the bright side of things. However, he was also very lazy. So there would be a lot of things, that he could do something about, but never would, because it was "such a drag". Sometimes, when he talks to people, he would say something, but in the end, he would say "but ohwell" because he never intended to do anything about it. Kind of pointless really. His studies were always constant, with the occasional crap mark every now and then. But he was never bothered by this. However, he never had a dream.There was never anything that he aspired to be, as well as nothing to motivate him to work any harder than he already does. That little boy, realised that he had an easy life, up until he reached Year 10 at school. In the past, he was always carefree, with nothing impeding his life. There were never any major hindrances, if he just forgot about something, it would just go away. That made him a weak person. Without any problems, that little boy would never be able to stand on his own two feet. He would always try and forget about his problems, or rely on other people to fix them for him. Dependent on other people. He was always proud, that he never did badly at school, because he saw that there was always someone doing worse than him. His life had no drama up until he hit a certain point in his life. When that little boy reached Year 9, he went on a holiday, to a place where lots of Asian things were made. He made lots of friends on that trip, including someone who had a helping hand in changing his life. The year after that, the little boy's friend decided to take him and some others on an adventure. A race to be precise. Later on, that same friend of his took him and some others to a place where young people congregated to hear messages. That was life-changing moment in that little boy's life. It was the day he made a lot of new friends, that would always support him in the future, as well as the day he was saved. That friend, probably would never realise, how grateful that little boy is to him. From then on, he would go to that place every week, but his life at school hadn't really changed that much. He still had no dream, he still had no motivation. Then a certain event came along, and you could say that it 'shook the planet'. It was his first time at one of those events, so he didn't really understand what the people were talking about, nonetheless, he still enjoyed it greatly. At that event however, he met someone, that he could never forget, no matter how hard he tried. And trust me, he tried. At first, the little boy saw that person just as someone being friendly, and didn't think much of it. One thing led to another, and he realised that he was getting closer and closer to that person, but he doesn't know how it happened. The two of them started talking more and more, and not even a week after they had met, the little boy started to develop feelings for that other person. At first, he didn't think much of it, "probably just a passing crush", but it didn't pass and more and more people started to find out somehow. At that point in life, things started to change in his life. His studies hadn't changed that much, but he noticed he was in a good mood more often than not. This happy-go-lucky mood he was always in, brought people together, and soon after, a massive friendship group formed. New people at the boy's school, would be able to tell if they could be part of the group, because they all had something in common. They were all Asian. So as time went on, the group became bigger and bigger. There were little groups within the big one, but ultimately, it was a just a massive friendship group. The little boy thought that his life couldn't get any better. Lot's of friends, as well as someone special to him. As the year went on, the little boy and his friends became closer and closer to certain people outside of their school. There was price to all this. Since, the little boy had an easy childhood, without many obstacles, he was weak. He often let his guard down, because of his optimistic nature. Sadness, was that price. There were a lot of times, that he had felt down, and he didn't know what to do, because he had never experienced it before. He always told himself, that everything would be ok, and that he should just smile and get on with life. That was when he realised that life wasn't fair. He got splinters, even while he was sliding down a rainbow. And they hurt. Of course, there were times that he couldn't be happier, such as his birthday, when he received something special from a certain someone. There were many ups and downs. However, nearing the end of that year, he seemed to be down very often. Always because of the same thing. So he decided to use a certain event, to decide what he should do next. He was a weak person, which led him to make such a stupid mistake. That night, was supposed to be fun, good food, good friends and entertainment, the boy even had to make a speech for someone that had guided him in his life. But that night wasn't the best for him. Throughout that entire night, he was bothered by something, and by the end of it, he wasn't exactly the happiest of people. The boy was weak, so he was very vulnerable at that time. It was then, that someone else came along, and cheered him up through everything that was going on. As he talked more and more with that person, he genuinely felt better. That other person, constantly tried to make him happy, which worked. Of course, the little boy hadn't forgotten about his special someone, but he thought that, it would be better for him, if he chose someone that made him happy rather than sad. What he didn't realise, was that he had it the wrong way round. The person who really made him happy, he thought that that was the person who made him sad. So he made a mistake. The little boy didn't realise how big of an effect his actions made, and the year after, the person he thought made him happy left his life. It was at that point, that he had an epiphany. He realised, who was always there for him, who always thought about him, who always stayed up with him. But the little boy was scared. He knew the damage he had done, but he couldn't reverse that damage no matter what. All he could do was hope. The people around him never told him to give up, and that he would be fine, but he didn't know whether or not he should believe that. More time went by, and then he finally found motivation. His studies stayed the same, but he had found something close to a dream, so he at least knew which way he would be headed in his life. However, that other person was always on his mind, and so he never moved forward towards his dream. He was constantly worried, but there wasn't anything the boy could do except wait and hope. It always seemed to be at events, that things between the boy and the other person changed. Another event came, and that event, was crushing. It was something the boy wished had never happened, but he could never drive it out of his mind. That night, was the night he was crushed, as well as the night he decided to wait, for however long it took. He knew, that he could be wasting his time, he knew, that he could be missing an opportunity to find someone else. But the boy didn't care. He had a steady heart and mind, and knew that what he was doing, was what he really wanted to do. After that event, things between them two were a little shaky, but that fixed itself. However, after that event, the little boy noticed something. His mood, was the complete opposite to when he first met that person. Everyday, the little boy would wake up, and put on a fake smile everyday, no matter how hard it was. There were times, that he couldn't even do that, because everything was just too much to handle. He's thought of giving up, but he made a promise. And the one thing that the little boy doesn't do, is break promises. He knew his life was so much harder than it used to be. But he wouldn't have it any other way. He knew, all of this, would make him stronger. So that in the future, nothing can bring him down. The people around him, started to tell him to give up, that he should just go out and meet other people. But he can't. Even if he wanted to. That was something the little boy knew for sure. He was, and still is, waiting for the day when everything becomes bliss again. Another event came. It wasn't the best of events, as the night would have been the same as the night the boy was crushed. So he decided to leave after the main event. He didn't want to be there, just to get crushed again. However, the boy was worried, and made a stupid trip because of it. There wasn't much he could do, so that trip really, made no difference in anything. At one point, when the boy was with one of his friends, he doubted himself. He had no idea what he was doing, and his friend told him that hes being caused more pain than happiness. The little boy however, steeled himself, and decided to keep doing what he was doing, except for not taking as much initiative. For that little boy, only time will tell now.
There was also one more thing. The little boy, wanted to ask that person something. But he was always afraid to. Fear was holding him back. Maybe one day, he'll ask, but for now, the boy probably won't. "ohwell."
There was also one more thing. The little boy, wanted to ask that person something. But he was always afraid to. Fear was holding him back. Maybe one day, he'll ask, but for now, the boy probably won't. "ohwell."
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
To a close friend of mine.
Dear Andy Choi,
You fail. That thing that you tried to do on Sunday night, just made you feel like crap the next day, which just happened to be your birthday. Good job. Not being able to do it though, has to mean something. Your mood was significantly better today, but still not 100%. You may not think things are going well at all right now, but you still have to hold onto hope. If you don't cling to hope, how are you going to keep your promise of waiting? No matter how much it hurts Andy, you just have to endure it all, and hope for the best. You're still young, you have plenty time. Just keep reminding yourself, of how happy you are when you're around her. Just keep reminding yourself, of how happy you are when you see that smile. Just keep reminding yourself, that its not over, and even when you think it's over, it's not over. (thanks Judah Smith for that) Every time you fall down, just get back up and keep moving forward, even if you don't know where you are headed. That's a key principle in life, otherwise, you'll never get anywhere. If someone tells you that its impossible, don't listen to them. Since impossible things, are just those things which so far have never been done. And plus, it's not whether its possible or not. It's whether you want to or not. You'll be fine, as long as you continue to want to be there and wait. Andy, life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you want, but you can only spend it once. Just don't regret anything. Oh and one last thing Andy, if you ever hurt her again, I'm going to kill you.
Love from, Your Conscience.
It's like everything is a big puzzle, that was coming along nicely, but then I just had to mess it all up.
'I want to line the pieces up. Yours, and mine.'
still waiting.
You fail. That thing that you tried to do on Sunday night, just made you feel like crap the next day, which just happened to be your birthday. Good job. Not being able to do it though, has to mean something. Your mood was significantly better today, but still not 100%. You may not think things are going well at all right now, but you still have to hold onto hope. If you don't cling to hope, how are you going to keep your promise of waiting? No matter how much it hurts Andy, you just have to endure it all, and hope for the best. You're still young, you have plenty time. Just keep reminding yourself, of how happy you are when you're around her. Just keep reminding yourself, of how happy you are when you see that smile. Just keep reminding yourself, that its not over, and even when you think it's over, it's not over. (thanks Judah Smith for that) Every time you fall down, just get back up and keep moving forward, even if you don't know where you are headed. That's a key principle in life, otherwise, you'll never get anywhere. If someone tells you that its impossible, don't listen to them. Since impossible things, are just those things which so far have never been done. And plus, it's not whether its possible or not. It's whether you want to or not. You'll be fine, as long as you continue to want to be there and wait. Andy, life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you want, but you can only spend it once. Just don't regret anything. Oh and one last thing Andy, if you ever hurt her again, I'm going to kill you.
Love from, Your Conscience.
It's like everything is a big puzzle, that was coming along nicely, but then I just had to mess it all up.
'I want to line the pieces up. Yours, and mine.'
still waiting.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
The power of the inner man.
Taken from a book that I've been reading:
Life will throw some 'night seasons' your way and during these times we will be directed by our hearts. David wrote:
'My heart also instructs me in the night seasons.' (Psalm 16:7 NKJV)
Many things breed in the dark including confusion or disorientation. You can lose your way in the darkness of night and have no clue which way to turn. I have seen people completely lose their way during dark or difficult times, and others who have emerged victoriously. Why do some make it through?
When you don't know which way to turn, your heart is going to guide you; it can only instruct according to what it knows. If your heart is geared towards panic, it will guide you accordingly, whereas, with the right thinking and attitudes, your heart can keep you on course. Just as a plane flies according to the way its computer is set. Sadly, some people lose their way in a night season and never find their way back.
Do you want to be made whole?
Perhaps the key lies in the content of your own heart.
I really hope, that what I'm doing is right. I don't want to get lost in this 'night season'.
Life will throw some 'night seasons' your way and during these times we will be directed by our hearts. David wrote:
'My heart also instructs me in the night seasons.' (Psalm 16:7 NKJV)
Many things breed in the dark including confusion or disorientation. You can lose your way in the darkness of night and have no clue which way to turn. I have seen people completely lose their way during dark or difficult times, and others who have emerged victoriously. Why do some make it through?
When you don't know which way to turn, your heart is going to guide you; it can only instruct according to what it knows. If your heart is geared towards panic, it will guide you accordingly, whereas, with the right thinking and attitudes, your heart can keep you on course. Just as a plane flies according to the way its computer is set. Sadly, some people lose their way in a night season and never find their way back.
Do you want to be made whole?
Perhaps the key lies in the content of your own heart.
I really hope, that what I'm doing is right. I don't want to get lost in this 'night season'.
step back.
I've decided, that I'm going to step back. All of it is too much to handle. I know, that every single time I talk to you, every word, every moment, is a little bit of pain that is stacking up, which will all come crashing down sooner or later. I want to, no, I have to spare myself this pain. I can't handle it. So I'm going to take a step back, try and move on, even though every part of me is telling me not to. I'm not stupid, I can tell when you are avoiding me, or don't want to talk to me.
I know, that I will never meet anyone like you ever again. I don't want to let you go, but I can't let this pain keep stacking up. If you ever stop smiling, I will blame myself. Because everything is my fault. It's all my fault that things are this way, and it's all my fault that there is all this pain.
I know, 100% that it will be hard to step back. It will be hard, to not do anything and let you do it all instead. But I think it's necessary, because afterwards, things might be clearer. I think, the only way for me to be able to step back, is to immerse myself in games, or my studies. And that's what I'm going to do.
You wrote something to me, and it really made me happy. It was on that yellow piece of paper. And so, I at least hope, that when you make your list, you'll put yourself and me on it.
and so, just so you haven't forgotten...
still waiting.
I know, that I will never meet anyone like you ever again. I don't want to let you go, but I can't let this pain keep stacking up. If you ever stop smiling, I will blame myself. Because everything is my fault. It's all my fault that things are this way, and it's all my fault that there is all this pain.
I know, 100% that it will be hard to step back. It will be hard, to not do anything and let you do it all instead. But I think it's necessary, because afterwards, things might be clearer. I think, the only way for me to be able to step back, is to immerse myself in games, or my studies. And that's what I'm going to do.
You wrote something to me, and it really made me happy. It was on that yellow piece of paper. And so, I at least hope, that when you make your list, you'll put yourself and me on it.
and so, just so you haven't forgotten...
still waiting.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
public service announcement :D
well, I don't know if I've ever done one of these, but I guess I'll just give an update on my life :D
To start off, I think i'll talk a little bit about my studies. If I was to sum it all up in one word, it would have to be... satisfied. Considering I hardly do my homework unless it's important, and I don't really study that much, I think I'm getting pretty good marks. Some examples would be, I did my physics sac last friday, I didn't study for that, and when I did it I really thought I screwed it up, but turns out I got a B, and then my chem sac today, I was supposed to study last night, but instead I went out to Josie's bday movie&dinner, which was really fun, but then I didn't really study because I was on msn the whole time after I got home... :S ohwell. I think I did ok :D
now onto my health. For the past week or so, I've been having this constant headache, which just won't go away ): It hasn't really bothered me that much because it doesn't hurt that much, and so I can tank it anyway, but its still pretty annoying. I think it's starting to get better but it's still there at the moment D: OHWELL. I also think I should start getting more sleep, but I don't really want to because I'd rather stay on msn and talk tosomeone people.
I've also been meeting a few new people, but I don't know, I'd much rather talk to/distract the person I usually do (: Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with those people, I just don't really want to talk to them that much ._. LOL.
hmm what next? just life in general now? well, my walk with God has been pretty steady so far.
oh, and that stuff that I usually post about... well lets just say I'm quite happy about the way things are now, but I really hope its not short-lived. I don't want things crashing down like they usually do D:
I think that's about it haha, my birthday is coming up so I'm looking forward to that, wondering what you are getting me... (: I hope you like your present thoughh :D
"Life is like a coin. You can spend it anyway you want, but you only spend it once."
still waiting.
To start off, I think i'll talk a little bit about my studies. If I was to sum it all up in one word, it would have to be... satisfied. Considering I hardly do my homework unless it's important, and I don't really study that much, I think I'm getting pretty good marks. Some examples would be, I did my physics sac last friday, I didn't study for that, and when I did it I really thought I screwed it up, but turns out I got a B, and then my chem sac today, I was supposed to study last night, but instead I went out to Josie's bday movie&dinner, which was really fun, but then I didn't really study because I was on msn the whole time after I got home... :S ohwell. I think I did ok :D
now onto my health. For the past week or so, I've been having this constant headache, which just won't go away ): It hasn't really bothered me that much because it doesn't hurt that much, and so I can tank it anyway, but its still pretty annoying. I think it's starting to get better but it's still there at the moment D: OHWELL. I also think I should start getting more sleep, but I don't really want to because I'd rather stay on msn and talk to
I've also been meeting a few new people, but I don't know, I'd much rather talk to/distract the person I usually do (: Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with those people, I just don't really want to talk to them that much ._. LOL.
hmm what next? just life in general now? well, my walk with God has been pretty steady so far.
oh, and that stuff that I usually post about... well lets just say I'm quite happy about the way things are now, but I really hope its not short-lived. I don't want things crashing down like they usually do D:
I think that's about it haha, my birthday is coming up so I'm looking forward to that, wondering what you are getting me... (: I hope you like your present thoughh :D
"Life is like a coin. You can spend it anyway you want, but you only spend it once."
still waiting.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
escape
I think, I'm gonna stop putting my thoughts on here. I need to stop using this as a thought storage...
Sorry if my posts have been sad, that's un-intended, I just needed a place to vent.
One last thought, before I stop putting them here,
Because I don't know the answer yet, I'll keep moving forward, ignoring all the pain. Pain seems to be able to block things out, so I guess that might be why I haven't been nervous about doing my english oral haha.
still waiting.
Sorry if my posts have been sad, that's un-intended, I just needed a place to vent.
One last thought, before I stop putting them here,
Because I don't know the answer yet, I'll keep moving forward, ignoring all the pain. Pain seems to be able to block things out, so I guess that might be why I haven't been nervous about doing my english oral haha.
still waiting.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
sometimes I wonder...
Sometimes, I wonder why I put you so high up in my life. You're only second to God, but I'm sure you don't know that. It makes me wonder, why you've suddenly started becoming colder to me. I know, that may not be true, but it's just the way I perceive it to be...
I know, 100%, that I'm not very high up in your life. At best, I'd probably only be around 3/4. at best. I bet, that during your day, you don't even think about sending me that one text about nothing like you used to. It was those random texts that would cheer me up and make me smile for the rest of the day. Lately, I haven't been smiling as much as I used to, but I've been trying to cover that up.
The pain, from so long ago, is still there, it hasn't gone at all. There were, brief periods of time, that I would forget about it, but it always comes back. I miss the way we used to be, and I'm trying to bring it back to what it was before, but you're not making it any easier for me. When I talk to you, you don't even look at me, so you never see how much I'm hurting. Instead, you look down, and avoid eye contact with me, and that really hurts. Sometimes, I wonder why I even spend so much time to talk to you...
But every single time I think about something like that, I remember what happened when I was in Sydney. Everything I said, I remember it all. And that is enough reason for me to put you so high up in my life. That's reason enough to take the time out and talk to you, no matter how many times you end our conversations. I really hope that the past isn't what is holding you back.
The only thing I need from you, is recognition. Something from you, that will get rid of all my questions and self doubt. If this keeps up, I might seriously go insane.
still waiting.
I know, 100%, that I'm not very high up in your life. At best, I'd probably only be around 3/4. at best. I bet, that during your day, you don't even think about sending me that one text about nothing like you used to. It was those random texts that would cheer me up and make me smile for the rest of the day. Lately, I haven't been smiling as much as I used to, but I've been trying to cover that up.
The pain, from so long ago, is still there, it hasn't gone at all. There were, brief periods of time, that I would forget about it, but it always comes back. I miss the way we used to be, and I'm trying to bring it back to what it was before, but you're not making it any easier for me. When I talk to you, you don't even look at me, so you never see how much I'm hurting. Instead, you look down, and avoid eye contact with me, and that really hurts. Sometimes, I wonder why I even spend so much time to talk to you...
But every single time I think about something like that, I remember what happened when I was in Sydney. Everything I said, I remember it all. And that is enough reason for me to put you so high up in my life. That's reason enough to take the time out and talk to you, no matter how many times you end our conversations. I really hope that the past isn't what is holding you back.
The only thing I need from you, is recognition. Something from you, that will get rid of all my questions and self doubt. If this keeps up, I might seriously go insane.
still waiting.
Monday, July 19, 2010
can i just ask...
I wanted to say...
If everything comes crashing down on you,
I'll be there if you fall.
But will you be there if I fall?
can I just ask.. which is it, a memory? or us?
If everything comes crashing down on you,
I'll be there if you fall.
But will you be there if I fall?
can I just ask.. which is it, a memory? or us?
Sunday, July 18, 2010
re-assurance
I doubted myself last night. I don't really know why, but I started asking myself, "what am I actually waiting for?" Then I also asked myself, "what if I wait, but nothing ever happens? What am I going to do with myself?" To be honest, I know why I'm waiting, but I don't know whether I'm waiting in vain or not. I think, I might have started to think those things, because of this feeling that I got, that you don't even want to talk anymore.
I didn't know what to do, so I talked to my friends about it, and they reminded me of what I had told them. I wasn't exactly in the best of moods last night, but I tried my best to seem natural. But then I also talked to God about it.
At church today, I was helping out with the parking, with Tim and Age. We had heaps of fun, and it really took my mind off things. But also, when we went into church for the service, God told me to just listen and not dwell on anything. Near the end of the service, Pastor Chee's wife said these words: "Before pre-service prayer, God told me to say this to everyone here, 'Don't lose hope'." It really hit me, and it just goes to show, that God is always looking out for us. I've been re-assured, because I trust in God.
still waiting.
I didn't know what to do, so I talked to my friends about it, and they reminded me of what I had told them. I wasn't exactly in the best of moods last night, but I tried my best to seem natural. But then I also talked to God about it.
At church today, I was helping out with the parking, with Tim and Age. We had heaps of fun, and it really took my mind off things. But also, when we went into church for the service, God told me to just listen and not dwell on anything. Near the end of the service, Pastor Chee's wife said these words: "Before pre-service prayer, God told me to say this to everyone here, 'Don't lose hope'." It really hit me, and it just goes to show, that God is always looking out for us. I've been re-assured, because I trust in God.
still waiting.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Psalm 46:1
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." - Psalm 46:1
My heart is already set. There's nothing that can move me.
still waiting.
My heart is already set. There's nothing that can move me.
still waiting.
up and down
it's funny
when I don't or can't talk to you, and you're right there in front of me, it feels like there is this heavy clamp, crushing my heart.
but when I do get to talk to you, especially if we're alone, then all of that disappears, and instead I feel bliss, and can't stop smiling...
yeah, I think I'm a loser like that (:
still waiting. (:
when I don't or can't talk to you, and you're right there in front of me, it feels like there is this heavy clamp, crushing my heart.
but when I do get to talk to you, especially if we're alone, then all of that disappears, and instead I feel bliss, and can't stop smiling...
yeah, I think I'm a loser like that (:
still waiting. (:
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
16 days left
16 days left until you see it.
It's been a month. Since that day. I can't say that I've forgotten about it, because I don't know whether or not I should remember what happened that day. I remember moments, bits and pieces of what we said. But I know better than to bring something like that up, because there is definitely a part of me that wants to block that day out of my memory.
I get this feeling. I can't really describe it, but it's like the clouds are finally parting, and the sun is going to shine again. (:
Gone through so much, I wonder how much more I have to wait until what I've been praying for comes. It hasn't been easy. But if this is all a dream...
don't wake me up (:
still waiting.
It's been a month. Since that day. I can't say that I've forgotten about it, because I don't know whether or not I should remember what happened that day. I remember moments, bits and pieces of what we said. But I know better than to bring something like that up, because there is definitely a part of me that wants to block that day out of my memory.
I get this feeling. I can't really describe it, but it's like the clouds are finally parting, and the sun is going to shine again. (:
Gone through so much, I wonder how much more I have to wait until what I've been praying for comes. It hasn't been easy. But if this is all a dream...
don't wake me up (:
still waiting.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Devotion.
"What you think is over, may not be over." - Judah Smith
Hillsong Conference 2010. The most epic conference I have ever been to. I think, about 3x better than Planetshakers. And also one of the best 10 days of my life. I couldn't have had as much fun as I did these past 10 days. Got to know the people from church, as well as getting to know more of myself. The messages that were spoken by the preachers were all really helpful. They really helped me clear my head, as well as showing me what I should be doing.
Judah Smith. My favourite speaker. The first time I heard him speak, he blew me away. The words that he preached, helped me the most and showed me that I should never give up, because God has a plan. "God is never late, but he is rarely early." As long as I trust in him, everything will turn out how they were supposed to.
Something Andy Stanley said, that, 'We don't get what we want, because we don't ask God. And even though sometimes we ask God, we ask with the wrong motives.' I've finally realised what I really should be praying for. Not for my happiness, but for hers.
Ed Young, said that "What breaks your heart, will break you out to where God wants you to be." I can see now, that everything that has happened, would have been part of God's plan. The plan to make me a stronger person, spiritually, emotionally as well as physically. If all those things had never happened, I wouldn't be as close to God as I am now. When I was in pain, I turned to God, and he healed me, with his words spoken through others.
Similar things were also said by Bishop T.D Jakes. "Don't get bitter when I'm trying to make you better." The Bishop said that God takes us through things to make us stronger, and that as long as you trust him, everything will turn out ok. That storms don't last. One thing that hit me strongly though, was when he said
"Don't let a brief period in your life define who you are."
So your destiny is always attached to what you have left. That is, what you lose, you don't need.
"He has sent me to heal the broken hearted"
After my time in Sydney, I know exactly how I feel about her. And it's not just a 'feeling' because there was proof.
lessthanthree.
lessthanthree.
still waiting.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
always and forever.
Going away to Sydney tomorrow for Hillsong. It's going to be epic.
The best part though, is being able to get away from everything. Clear my head, and look forward, instead of dwelling on that day.
I can't believe that I haven't gotten over it, and I hate that it still hurts. Even now.
I just hope, that Hillsong, will be able to take this pain away...
and I hope, that by me going away, it can give you some quality time to think over everything.
I never would have thought, that the road that I picked at the crossroad, would be so bumpy...
But I'm sure it'll smooth out sooner or later...
“Forgiveness is the final form of love” – Reinhold Niebuhr
still waiting.
The best part though, is being able to get away from everything. Clear my head, and look forward, instead of dwelling on that day.
I can't believe that I haven't gotten over it, and I hate that it still hurts. Even now.
I just hope, that Hillsong, will be able to take this pain away...
and I hope, that by me going away, it can give you some quality time to think over everything.
I never would have thought, that the road that I picked at the crossroad, would be so bumpy...
But I'm sure it'll smooth out sooner or later...
“Forgiveness is the final form of love” – Reinhold Niebuhr
still waiting.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
make my wish come true....
I wish, that you could trust me again.
I wish, that you would remember all the good times that we've had together.
I wish, that I don't have to see it end.
I wish, that I could get some sort of sign from you.
I wish, that you would tell me about the things troubling you.
I wish, that I could see you smile more often.
I wish, that you knew, what I treasure most, I keep with me, all the time.
I wish, that I could be that person that you can lean on.
I wish, that I could be that person that you trust the most.
I wish, that you would open up to me.
I wish, I wish, I wish.
Which is it? A memory? or us?
still waiting.
I wish, that you would remember all the good times that we've had together.
I wish, that I don't have to see it end.
I wish, that I could get some sort of sign from you.
I wish, that you would tell me about the things troubling you.
I wish, that I could see you smile more often.
I wish, that you knew, what I treasure most, I keep with me, all the time.
I wish, that I could be that person that you can lean on.
I wish, that I could be that person that you trust the most.
I wish, that you would open up to me.
I wish, I wish, I wish.
Which is it? A memory? or us?
still waiting.
Monday, June 28, 2010
君がいるから
ASNFLDISHJLASFSNAPDJK:AL
pain is still there >_>
FML. it won't go away >_>
i wonder, what it would take for it to finally go away D:
at least, when i talk to you im still able to smile and forget everything (Y)
i hope that's the same for you...
i wish i could see you before i go to hillsong, but you're too busy ):
ahwelll maybe some other time :S
still waiting.
pain is still there >_>
FML. it won't go away >_>
i wonder, what it would take for it to finally go away D:
at least, when i talk to you im still able to smile and forget everything (Y)
i hope that's the same for you...
i wish i could see you before i go to hillsong, but you're too busy ):
ahwelll maybe some other time :S
still waiting.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
don't let go.
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again."
I hope you like it... You'll see it in exactly 34 days.
I hope you like it... You'll see it in exactly 34 days.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
愛してる
I don't understand. It's been over a week, and it still hurts. Nothing has changed, no matter how hard I try. sigh.
What's worse is, now I keep getting the feeling you don't even want to talk. >_>
The past week, has been so slow for me. Because no matter how hard I try not to, I keep thinking about it. D:
But I guess, life's problems wouldn't be called 'hurdles' if there wasn't a way to get over them.
i'm still waiting.
What's worse is, now I keep getting the feeling you don't even want to talk. >_>
The past week, has been so slow for me. Because no matter how hard I try not to, I keep thinking about it. D:
But I guess, life's problems wouldn't be called 'hurdles' if there wasn't a way to get over them.
i'm still waiting.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
bruised reed that never falls.
Talking about all the stuff that's been happening, I have realised something.
God has a plan. Everything that has happened, was probably meant to, and that I should trust in him, no matter what.
That mistake that I made back then, I now see as a stepping stone. For my relationship with her. A test, to see if those feelings really are there or not. It had occurred to me, who I really cared about the most. But it wasn't until I had lost her before I realised it.
Now, all the stuff that's been happening, is another step in that relationship. If the two of us, work through this, and end up together, I can already safely say, that it will last. Two people, can't go through so much in just one year, for it to just end because of something like this. Everything that we have gone through, will make our bond strong.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
God has a plan. Everything that has happened, was probably meant to, and that I should trust in him, no matter what.
That mistake that I made back then, I now see as a stepping stone. For my relationship with her. A test, to see if those feelings really are there or not. It had occurred to me, who I really cared about the most. But it wasn't until I had lost her before I realised it.
Now, all the stuff that's been happening, is another step in that relationship. If the two of us, work through this, and end up together, I can already safely say, that it will last. Two people, can't go through so much in just one year, for it to just end because of something like this. Everything that we have gone through, will make our bond strong.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
path to salvation?
There is this feeling of loneliness, that keeps creeping up on me. I know that there are people around me that are supporting me, but I can never seem to shake that feeling ever since that day.
It feels really heavy, as though everyday, I'm carrying a massive weight. It's really starting to affect me. My attention span seems to be really short, I can never seem to concentrate, it randomly starts hurting all the time, I can't sleep at night, I randomly zone out for no reason, apparently my voice is a little more coarse and I never seem to have much appetite when there's food in front of me.
All I can do right now, is look at the path before me, and continue my slow walk down it. If I could, I would just sprout wings on my back, and skip all of this crap that I'm feeling.
Whenever I close my eyes, I see you.
Sometimes, I can't tell if you're the same person I know, but there could never be a replacement for you. Yet, this pain that I feel, will someday fade away to memory, I'm sure of it.
Before I met you, I was happily unaware of how completely miserable I really was. Even if you can't let go of the past, I'll still be waiting.
"Thinking of you, wherever you are. I want to line the pieces up, yours....and mine."
sticks and stones may break my bones.....
but words will break my heart
It feels really heavy, as though everyday, I'm carrying a massive weight. It's really starting to affect me. My attention span seems to be really short, I can never seem to concentrate, it randomly starts hurting all the time, I can't sleep at night, I randomly zone out for no reason, apparently my voice is a little more coarse and I never seem to have much appetite when there's food in front of me.
All I can do right now, is look at the path before me, and continue my slow walk down it. If I could, I would just sprout wings on my back, and skip all of this crap that I'm feeling.
Whenever I close my eyes, I see you.
Sometimes, I can't tell if you're the same person I know, but there could never be a replacement for you. Yet, this pain that I feel, will someday fade away to memory, I'm sure of it.
Before I met you, I was happily unaware of how completely miserable I really was. Even if you can't let go of the past, I'll still be waiting.
"Thinking of you, wherever you are. I want to line the pieces up, yours....and mine."
sticks and stones may break my bones.....
but words will break my heart
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
ありがとう
nowadays, it seems like gaming is the only way to completely take my mind off things :S
everything seems to remind me of what happened >_> and it sucks.
But I'm glad I have all my friends supporting me. Even though some of them aren't exactly having the best days of their lives, it's still good to know they care. And all the things people have told me, all the advice, it really helps :D
so thank you. all of you. (:
everything seems to remind me of what happened >_> and it sucks.
But I'm glad I have all my friends supporting me. Even though some of them aren't exactly having the best days of their lives, it's still good to know they care. And all the things people have told me, all the advice, it really helps :D
so thank you. all of you. (:
Monday, June 14, 2010
short end of the stick
feeling anhsdaghbfkduyghdaogl right about now.
Things just didn't seem to go the way I wanted it to go, but I guess it happened for a reason. No need being pessimistic about it right?
I tried to create that miracle, but didn't get much.
But I still hold that light of hope. All that's left is to achieve the impossible.
I've done all that I can, only time will tell now.
"you learn to like someone when you find out what makes them laugh, but you can never truly love someone until you find out what makes them cry"
but it hurts to see those tears.
and btw. I won't ever give up. Even if it's pointless, I won't give up. but it still hurts.
Things just didn't seem to go the way I wanted it to go, but I guess it happened for a reason. No need being pessimistic about it right?
I tried to create that miracle, but didn't get much.
But I still hold that light of hope. All that's left is to achieve the impossible.
I've done all that I can, only time will tell now.
"you learn to like someone when you find out what makes them laugh, but you can never truly love someone until you find out what makes them cry"
but it hurts to see those tears.
and btw. I won't ever give up. Even if it's pointless, I won't give up. but it still hurts.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Carpe Diem
HMM.
well exams are over now. so I am completely free until next Tuesday and that gives me a lot of time to relax...
But it seems everything is pointing me in one direction. Even if they have no possible connection at all, It's still pointing me in one way. maybe i've finally picked a road, for the crossroad i've been standing at all this time....
I don't know what's going to happen. But what does happen, will hopefully be for the better.
and plus - our best thoughts come from others (:
Usually, I just stand around waiting, never putting stuff into motion. About time I changed that. right? (:
well exams are over now. so I am completely free until next Tuesday and that gives me a lot of time to relax...
But it seems everything is pointing me in one direction. Even if they have no possible connection at all, It's still pointing me in one way. maybe i've finally picked a road, for the crossroad i've been standing at all this time....
I don't know what's going to happen. But what does happen, will hopefully be for the better.
and plus - our best thoughts come from others (:
Usually, I just stand around waiting, never putting stuff into motion. About time I changed that. right? (:
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
something random...
Lies.
Lies are like children.
They're hard work, but it's worth it
because the future depends on them.
They're hard work, but it's worth it
because the future depends on them.
enlighten me please.
Are things supposed to be this way?
With each passing day, I doubt more and more.
But there's nothing more that I can do...
I'm constantly trying, but getting no reaction.
I don't want to doubt you, because it has the scent of my fears.
"even if you can't let go of the past, I'll still be there to meet you tomorrow."
But I'm trusting my hopes.
I just hope that you tell me, by making an effort.
Since I know there is nothing more important to me right now...
With each passing day, I doubt more and more.
But there's nothing more that I can do...
I'm constantly trying, but getting no reaction.
I don't want to doubt you, because it has the scent of my fears.
"even if you can't let go of the past, I'll still be there to meet you tomorrow."
But I'm trusting my hopes.
I just hope that you tell me, by making an effort.
Since I know there is nothing more important to me right now...
Saturday, May 29, 2010
happiness.
Today was a good day. The best way to take a friend's mind off things, is laughter.
We had a good day of work, and then an awesome time at the food court, just getting lots of free food off Isaac (Y)
But happiness, is something a lot of people take for granted. It's something that people don't realize they have, until they lose it. Once you lose it, you try really hard to get it back, but it just seems out of your reach. A smile, can mean a lot to the right person... (:
People usually count all the problems that they have, exams and stuff like that. But no-one ever takes the time to count the things that makes them happy. Their joys. If you counted everything, every person, that can make you smile, you'll realize that it is really easy for you to be happy.
You don't remember days, you remember moments. You remember moments that made you happy, because you want to re-live that happiness.
-so I'll be counting your smiles- (:
We had a good day of work, and then an awesome time at the food court, just getting lots of free food off Isaac (Y)
But happiness, is something a lot of people take for granted. It's something that people don't realize they have, until they lose it. Once you lose it, you try really hard to get it back, but it just seems out of your reach. A smile, can mean a lot to the right person... (:
People usually count all the problems that they have, exams and stuff like that. But no-one ever takes the time to count the things that makes them happy. Their joys. If you counted everything, every person, that can make you smile, you'll realize that it is really easy for you to be happy.
You don't remember days, you remember moments. You remember moments that made you happy, because you want to re-live that happiness.
-so I'll be counting your smiles- (:
Thursday, May 27, 2010
what you sow is what you reap.
SIGHHHH. exams coming up, really can't be stuffed D:
I'm so lazy...>_>
but if I think about it, the only subjects that I would need to study heaps for, would be GMA and chem :S
everything else isn't that bad |:
"...A man reaps what he sows." Galatians 6:7
As long as you have put in the effort throughout the year, you wouldn't have any need to stress about exams. If you've done the work, your "study" is basically reminding yourself, so that its fresh in your mind. If you've worked hard, then you'll get a good mark, if you haven't been working hard, then you wouldn't deserve a good mark anyway.
people shouldn't complain if they get a bad score, it shows they haven't put enough effort into doing the work.
I'm so lazy...>_>
but if I think about it, the only subjects that I would need to study heaps for, would be GMA and chem :S
everything else isn't that bad |:
"...A man reaps what he sows." Galatians 6:7
As long as you have put in the effort throughout the year, you wouldn't have any need to stress about exams. If you've done the work, your "study" is basically reminding yourself, so that its fresh in your mind. If you've worked hard, then you'll get a good mark, if you haven't been working hard, then you wouldn't deserve a good mark anyway.
people shouldn't complain if they get a bad score, it shows they haven't put enough effort into doing the work.
Monday, May 24, 2010
(:
been really really happy these past 2 days :D
and if this keeps up, I'll be happy for a long long time (:
I guess, happiness snuck in through a door that I didn't know I had left open... (:
and if this keeps up, I'll be happy for a long long time (:
I guess, happiness snuck in through a door that I didn't know I had left open... (:
Friday, May 21, 2010
a fresh new start?
nah. I'll keep trying. After all, if I don't try, how will I know if something could happen?
Just because it seems impossible now, doesn't mean I should give up right? Since it's not even about whether it's possible or not. It's about whether I want to or not.
"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."
I know. I should trust my hopes, not my fears.
Just because it seems impossible now, doesn't mean I should give up right? Since it's not even about whether it's possible or not. It's about whether I want to or not.
"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."
I know. I should trust my hopes, not my fears.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
crystal clear.
"You learn to like someone when you find out what makes them laugh, but you can never truly love someone until you find out what makes them cry."
Today I was talking to you at school. I asked you how things were for you, and you told me "complicated". Even though it was only a tiny little bit, what you told me really surprised me. You know who you are. I hope that quote helps clear things up for you :D
Sunday, May 16, 2010
repair?
I held a vase in my hand.
At the time, I had no idea how precious that vase was, and how fragile it was.
It wasn't until I had dropped that vase, saw it shatter into millions of tiny fragments, that I realised how important it was to me.
And now, it feels as though I'm trying to piece it back together, back to the way it was before.
But the cracks will still be there.
And I don't even know if it will hold...
Saturday, May 8, 2010
A new beginning.
Clayton Church Of Christ
One of the few places, that changed my life completely.
I remember, the first time I ever step foot in that church, was for the 2009 amazing race. My most memorable moment of that day, was when my team, beat Erol's team at the very last second, because Erol was literally rofl-ing on the ground.
I remember, that church was the place that I had accepted Christ into my life. A turning point in my life, so I could live a good life.
I remember, making heaps and heaps of friends at youth, and developing bonds which I am grateful to have. Those people, will always be a part of my life, whether they want to or not. (:
I remember, being guided by Ben Guilford and Stephen Chau, during my first couple of weeks at youth, in Christianity explained. Even though you probably won't read this, Ben, even though you've left youth now, look how far I've come.
I remember, all the fun times we had at that church, all the things that church has done for me.
Even though the building is going to be demolished, our memories of that place still live within us. We will never forget that building, and everything that has happened within it's walls. It's sad, even though it is becoming something even greater. We will miss it.
But, this marks the start of a new beginning. A new location, to make new memories, that we will treasure, and then soon after, we will move into the new church building, which takes the church one step closer, to achieving the 2015 vision.
"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose."
One of the few places, that changed my life completely.
I remember, the first time I ever step foot in that church, was for the 2009 amazing race. My most memorable moment of that day, was when my team, beat Erol's team at the very last second, because Erol was literally rofl-ing on the ground.
I remember, that church was the place that I had accepted Christ into my life. A turning point in my life, so I could live a good life.
I remember, making heaps and heaps of friends at youth, and developing bonds which I am grateful to have. Those people, will always be a part of my life, whether they want to or not. (:
I remember, being guided by Ben Guilford and Stephen Chau, during my first couple of weeks at youth, in Christianity explained. Even though you probably won't read this, Ben, even though you've left youth now, look how far I've come.
I remember, all the fun times we had at that church, all the things that church has done for me.
Even though the building is going to be demolished, our memories of that place still live within us. We will never forget that building, and everything that has happened within it's walls. It's sad, even though it is becoming something even greater. We will miss it.
But, this marks the start of a new beginning. A new location, to make new memories, that we will treasure, and then soon after, we will move into the new church building, which takes the church one step closer, to achieving the 2015 vision.
"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose."
Sunday, May 2, 2010
a promise made.
Sometimes, I wish I knew what you were thinking. I wish I knew what was going through your head. I don't know whether you want me in your life or not. I want to know, if you feel the same way about the time that we spend together, no matter how little it may be.
I could ask you. But I already know that you wouldn't give me a straight answer. It would be like me asking you, "what does 2 + 2 equal?" and a day later, you would tell me "not 25."
I made a promise to myself, and I plan to keep it. No matter what the consequences may be.
"The way to love anything, is to realize that it might be lost." I realized that today.
Some people want it to happen.
Some wish it would happen.
Others make it happen.
I wonder which one...
I could ask you. But I already know that you wouldn't give me a straight answer. It would be like me asking you, "what does 2 + 2 equal?" and a day later, you would tell me "not 25."
I made a promise to myself, and I plan to keep it. No matter what the consequences may be.
"The way to love anything, is to realize that it might be lost." I realized that today.
Some people want it to happen.
Some wish it would happen.
Others make it happen.
I wonder which one...
Thursday, April 29, 2010
crossroads
Right now, I feel as though my life has hit a crossroad. I've just been traveling down one straight road, not a care in the world. But now, I'm lost, so many paths to to take, and they all lead somewhere different.
Each path, has a different place at the end. Each has its own dilemmas and hardships to face. But along with those, each path would also have its own "happy times", where everything just seems to play out the way I want. I have no way of knowing whats in store, for whichever path I take. I also don't know, how my life will end up after picking a path. Do those paths join up together after traveling a certain way down them, so I end up in the same place, or do they branch off from each other so that I will lead a completely different life?
But whats most important to me, is who will be waiting for me at the end of those paths? Who are the people that will stay in my life, and who will be those, that just seem to drift off? Will I be happy, with those people? Are they who I want to stay in my life?
You see, the problem with crossroads, is that you don't know where each path will take you, and no matter how hard you try and look, you can't see what's at the end of each road. I don't know which path will have the most happiness, and which one has the most disappointments. I just can't tell.
I have nothing to guide me. I have no idea where to go, because I'm afraid of making a mistake in the choice that I make. It's happened before. So I'll just wait here, at the crossroads, until someone is there with me, to push me along...
Each path, has a different place at the end. Each has its own dilemmas and hardships to face. But along with those, each path would also have its own "happy times", where everything just seems to play out the way I want. I have no way of knowing whats in store, for whichever path I take. I also don't know, how my life will end up after picking a path. Do those paths join up together after traveling a certain way down them, so I end up in the same place, or do they branch off from each other so that I will lead a completely different life?
But whats most important to me, is who will be waiting for me at the end of those paths? Who are the people that will stay in my life, and who will be those, that just seem to drift off? Will I be happy, with those people? Are they who I want to stay in my life?
You see, the problem with crossroads, is that you don't know where each path will take you, and no matter how hard you try and look, you can't see what's at the end of each road. I don't know which path will have the most happiness, and which one has the most disappointments. I just can't tell.
I have nothing to guide me. I have no idea where to go, because I'm afraid of making a mistake in the choice that I make. It's happened before. So I'll just wait here, at the crossroads, until someone is there with me, to push me along...
"In everything you do, consider the end."
Saturday, April 24, 2010
encouragement
For the past 2 weeks at youth, the walls have been decorated with boxes. Those boxes each had a name, for every person part of our youth and church. Those boxes, were for encouragement notes. I didn't write one for everyone, because I decided to only write ones, for those people I felt needed them the most. The people that are quiet and reserved and the people who I feel should grow more in their life with God.
There was one person however, that replied to my note to them, and I told you not to think that way.
You said to me, that "even though I try, I fail. If I work harder I know I'd still fail..." You should never think that way. This doesn't just apply to that person though, this can apply to anyone feeling the same way.
First of all, it's not impossible for you to succeed. Success, isn't something that can be put into the category of 'impossible'. Because, to learn to succeed, you have to first learn to fail. Concentrate on finding your goal, then concentrate on reaching it.
Also, you should change the way you think of the word 'fail'. Instead of thinking something along the lines of 'ahh I failed, there's no point, I'll just keep on failing no matter what I do', you should think of it like this. 'ahh I failed, oh well, there's no changing that, I'll just make sure I won't fail next time.' Since failure, is simply the chance to begin again, except this time, more intelligently.
There was one person however, that replied to my note to them, and I told you not to think that way.
You said to me, that "even though I try, I fail. If I work harder I know I'd still fail..." You should never think that way. This doesn't just apply to that person though, this can apply to anyone feeling the same way.
First of all, it's not impossible for you to succeed. Success, isn't something that can be put into the category of 'impossible'. Because, to learn to succeed, you have to first learn to fail. Concentrate on finding your goal, then concentrate on reaching it.
Also, you should change the way you think of the word 'fail'. Instead of thinking something along the lines of 'ahh I failed, there's no point, I'll just keep on failing no matter what I do', you should think of it like this. 'ahh I failed, oh well, there's no changing that, I'll just make sure I won't fail next time.' Since failure, is simply the chance to begin again, except this time, more intelligently.
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
Monday, April 19, 2010
Even footing?
"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving."
Albert Einstein
Albert Einstein
Balance. Not the kind where you see how long it takes for you to fall over, but the type that helps you determine equal value. A lot of things are usually balanced, otherwise they would go out of control. For example, a scale. If the scale was not balanced, you wouldn't know if one object weighs the same as another.
Ever heard someone say that everyone is equal? That no-one is better than anyone else? You probably think that's rubbish. After all, you might not be as smart as everyone else, so how can you possibly be equal? It may be true that you aren't as smart as someone else. However, that doesn't mean you can't be someone's equal. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. You may be unbelievably smart, but be completely crap at sport. You could be really fit, but have really poor social skills. Or, you could be a massive player, but not very smart. Everyone excels in different areas, you can't be good at everything. Also, depending on your environment, everybody grows in a different way. You might hate yourself, and desperately want to change who you are, and your life that goes with it. But running away, changing your name, none of these things help. After all, you can't run away from yourself.
Everything in your life will eventually balance out. It doesn't matter where you are now, or how your life is now. You should still work hard to achieve whatever you wish to do after leaving school. Even if you don't have a career already mapped out for yourself, there will still be places that you want to go to. Work towards those first.
You can't create something out of nothing. To become smarter, you have to spend time and effort to study, the same goes to fitness, you have to work hard for it. You can't magically wish yourself to become smarter or stronger overnight, no matter how much you want it. You have to be willing to make sacrifices as well.
What I'm trying to get at here, is that you are fine the way you are. You should never beat yourself up for thinking that you're inferior to anyone else. Instead, you should work hard, it all pays off in the end.
Nothing is perfect, but they can be balanced.
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