still waiting.

I'm waiting for you to turn my hourglass around. (:

2 days left until you see it. Now I'm starting to get nervous. Hope you like it (:

still waiting.

public service announcement :D

well, I don't know if I've ever done one of these, but I guess I'll just give an update on my life :D

To start off, I think i'll talk a little bit about my studies. If I was to sum it all up in one word, it would have to be... satisfied. Considering I hardly do my homework unless it's important, and I don't really study that much, I think I'm getting pretty good marks. Some examples would be, I did my physics sac last friday, I didn't study for that, and when I did it I really thought I screwed it up, but turns out I got a B, and then my chem sac today, I was supposed to study last night, but instead I went out to Josie's bday movie&dinner, which was really fun, but then I didn't really study because I was on msn the whole time after I got home... :S ohwell. I think I did ok :D

now onto my health. For the past week or so, I've been having this constant headache, which just won't go away ): It hasn't really bothered me that much because it doesn't hurt that much, and so I can tank it anyway, but its still pretty annoying. I think it's starting to get better but it's still there at the moment D: OHWELL. I also think I should start getting more sleep, but I don't really want to because I'd rather stay on msn and talk to someone people.

I've also been meeting a few new people, but I don't know, I'd much rather talk to/distract the person I usually do (: Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with those people, I just don't really want to talk to them that much ._. LOL.

hmm what next? just life in general now? well, my walk with God has been pretty steady so far.
oh, and that stuff that I usually post about... well lets just say I'm quite happy about the way things are now, but I really hope its not short-lived. I don't want things crashing down like they usually do D:

I think that's about it haha, my birthday is coming up so I'm looking forward to that, wondering what you are getting me... (: I hope you like your present thoughh :D

"Life is like a coin. You can spend it anyway you want, but you only spend it once."

still waiting.

escape

I think, I'm gonna stop putting my thoughts on here. I need to stop using this as a thought storage...
Sorry if my posts have been sad, that's un-intended, I just needed a place to vent.

One last thought, before I stop putting them here,

Because I don't know the answer yet, I'll keep moving forward, ignoring all the pain. Pain seems to be able to block things out, so I guess that might be why I haven't been nervous about doing my english oral haha.

still waiting.

sometimes I wonder...

Sometimes, I wonder why I put you so high up in my life. You're only second to God, but I'm sure you don't know that. It makes me wonder, why you've suddenly started becoming colder to me. I know, that may not be true, but it's just the way I perceive it to be...

I know, 100%, that I'm not very high up in your life. At best, I'd probably only be around 3/4. at best. I bet, that during your day, you don't even think about sending me that one text about nothing like you used to. It was those random texts that would cheer me up and make me smile for the rest of the day. Lately, I haven't been smiling as much as I used to, but I've been trying to cover that up.

The pain, from so long ago, is still there, it hasn't gone at all. There were, brief periods of time, that I would forget about it, but it always comes back. I miss the way we used to be, and I'm trying to bring it back to what it was before, but you're not making it any easier for me. When I talk to you, you don't even look at me, so you never see how much I'm hurting. Instead, you look down, and avoid eye contact with me, and that really hurts. Sometimes, I wonder why I even spend so much time to talk to you...

But every single time I think about something like that, I remember what happened when I was in Sydney. Everything I said, I remember it all. And that is enough reason for me to put you so high up in my life. That's reason enough to take the time out and talk to you, no matter how many times you end our conversations. I really hope that the past isn't what is holding you back.

The only thing I need from you, is recognition. Something from you, that will get rid of all my questions and self doubt. If this keeps up, I might seriously go insane.

still waiting.

can i just ask...

I wanted to say...
If everything comes crashing down on you,
I'll be there if you fall. 
But will you be there if I fall?
can I just ask.. which is it, a memory? or us?

re-assurance

I doubted myself last night. I don't really know why, but I started asking myself, "what am I actually waiting for?" Then I also asked myself, "what if I wait, but nothing ever happens? What am I going to do with myself?" To be honest, I know why I'm waiting, but I don't know whether I'm waiting in vain or not. I think, I might have started to think those things, because of this feeling that I got, that you don't even want to talk anymore.

I didn't know what to do, so I talked to my friends about it, and they reminded me of what I had told them. I wasn't exactly in the best of moods last night, but I tried my best to seem natural. But then I also talked to God about it.

At church today, I was helping out with the parking, with Tim and Age. We had heaps of fun, and it really took my mind off things. But also, when we went into church for the service, God told me to just listen and not dwell on anything. Near the end of the service, Pastor Chee's wife said these words: "Before pre-service prayer, God told me to say this to everyone here, 'Don't lose hope'." It really hit me, and it just goes to show, that God is always looking out for us. I've been re-assured, because I trust in God.

still waiting.

Psalm 46:1

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." - Psalm 46:1

 My heart is already set. There's nothing that can move me.

still waiting.

up and down

it's funny

when I don't or can't talk to you, and you're right there in front of me, it feels like there is this heavy clamp, crushing my heart.

but when I do get to talk to you, especially if we're alone, then all of that disappears, and instead I feel bliss, and can't stop smiling...

yeah, I think I'm a loser like that (:

still waiting. (:

16 days left

16 days left until you see it.

It's been a month. Since that day. I can't say that I've forgotten about it, because I don't know whether or not I should remember what happened that day. I remember moments, bits and pieces of what we said. But I know better than to bring something like that up, because there is definitely a part of me that wants to block that day out of my memory.

I get this feeling. I can't really describe it, but it's like the clouds are finally parting, and the sun is going to shine again. (:

Gone through so much, I wonder how much more I have to wait until what I've been praying for comes. It hasn't been easy. But if this is all a dream...

don't wake me up (:
still waiting. 

Devotion.

"What you think is over, may not be over." - Judah Smith

Hillsong Conference 2010. The most epic conference I have ever been to. I think, about 3x better than Planetshakers. And also one of the best 10 days of my life. I couldn't have had as much fun as I did these past 10 days. Got to know the people from church, as well as getting to know more of myself. The messages that were spoken by the preachers were all really helpful. They really helped me clear my head, as well as showing me what I should be doing.

Judah Smith. My favourite speaker. The first time I heard him speak, he blew me away. The words that he preached, helped me the most and showed me that I should never give up, because God has a plan. "God is never late, but he is rarely early." As long as I trust in him, everything will turn out how they were supposed to.

Something Andy Stanley said, that, 'We don't get what we want, because we don't ask God. And even though sometimes we ask God, we ask with the wrong motives.' I've finally realised what I really should be praying for. Not for my happiness, but for hers.

Ed Young, said that "What breaks your heart, will break you out to where God wants you to be." I can see now, that everything that has happened, would have been part of God's plan. The plan to make me a stronger person, spiritually, emotionally as well as physically. If all those things had never happened, I wouldn't be as close to God as I am now. When I was in pain, I turned to God, and he healed me, with his words spoken through others.

Similar things were also said by Bishop T.D Jakes. "Don't get bitter when I'm trying to make you better." The Bishop said that God takes us through things to make us stronger, and that as long as you trust him, everything will turn out ok. That storms don't last. One thing that hit me strongly though, was when he said

"Don't let a brief period in your life define who you are."

So your destiny is always attached to what you have left. That is, what you lose, you don't need. 

"He has sent me to heal the broken hearted"

After my time in Sydney, I know exactly how I feel about her. And it's not just a 'feeling' because there was proof.

lessthanthree.

still waiting.

always and forever.

Going away to Sydney tomorrow for Hillsong. It's going to be epic.
The best part though, is being able to get away from everything. Clear my head, and look forward, instead of dwelling on that day.
I can't believe that I haven't gotten over it, and I hate that it still hurts. Even now.
I just hope, that Hillsong, will be able to take this pain away...
and I hope, that by me going away, it can give you some quality time to think over everything.

I never would have thought, that the road that I picked at the crossroad, would be so bumpy...
But I'm sure it'll smooth out sooner or later...

“Forgiveness is the final form of love” – Reinhold Niebuhr

still waiting.