sometimes I wonder...

Sometimes, I wonder why I put you so high up in my life. You're only second to God, but I'm sure you don't know that. It makes me wonder, why you've suddenly started becoming colder to me. I know, that may not be true, but it's just the way I perceive it to be...

I know, 100%, that I'm not very high up in your life. At best, I'd probably only be around 3/4. at best. I bet, that during your day, you don't even think about sending me that one text about nothing like you used to. It was those random texts that would cheer me up and make me smile for the rest of the day. Lately, I haven't been smiling as much as I used to, but I've been trying to cover that up.

The pain, from so long ago, is still there, it hasn't gone at all. There were, brief periods of time, that I would forget about it, but it always comes back. I miss the way we used to be, and I'm trying to bring it back to what it was before, but you're not making it any easier for me. When I talk to you, you don't even look at me, so you never see how much I'm hurting. Instead, you look down, and avoid eye contact with me, and that really hurts. Sometimes, I wonder why I even spend so much time to talk to you...

But every single time I think about something like that, I remember what happened when I was in Sydney. Everything I said, I remember it all. And that is enough reason for me to put you so high up in my life. That's reason enough to take the time out and talk to you, no matter how many times you end our conversations. I really hope that the past isn't what is holding you back.

The only thing I need from you, is recognition. Something from you, that will get rid of all my questions and self doubt. If this keeps up, I might seriously go insane.

still waiting.