crossroads

Right now, I feel as though my life has hit a crossroad. I've just been traveling down one straight road, not a care in the world. But now, I'm lost, so many paths to to take, and they all lead somewhere different.

Each path, has a different place at the end. Each has its own dilemmas and hardships to face. But along with those, each path would also have its own "happy times", where everything just seems to play out the way I want. I have no way of knowing whats in store, for whichever path I take. I also don't know, how my life will end up after picking a path. Do those paths join up together after traveling a certain way down them, so I end up in the same place, or do they branch off from each other so that I will lead a completely different life?

But whats most important to me, is who will be waiting for me at the end of those paths? Who are the people that will stay in my life, and who will be those, that just seem to drift off?  Will I be happy, with those people? Are they who I want to stay in my life?

You see, the problem with crossroads, is that you don't know where each path will take you, and no matter how hard you try and look, you can't see what's at the end of each road. I don't know which path will have the most happiness, and which one has the most disappointments. I just can't tell.

I have nothing to guide me. I have no idea where to go, because I'm afraid of making a mistake in the choice that I make. It's happened before. So I'll just wait here, at the crossroads, until someone is there with me, to push me along...

"In everything you do, consider the end."

encouragement

For the past 2 weeks at youth, the walls have been decorated with boxes. Those boxes each had a name, for every person part of our youth and church. Those boxes, were for encouragement notes. I didn't write one for everyone, because I decided to only write ones, for those people I felt needed them the most. The people that are quiet and reserved and the people who I feel should grow more in their life with God.

There was one person however, that replied to my note to them, and I told you not to think that way.

You said to me, that "even though I try, I fail. If I work harder I know I'd still fail..." You should never think that way. This doesn't just apply to that person though, this can apply to anyone feeling the same way.

First of all, it's not impossible for you to succeed. Success, isn't something that can be put into the category of 'impossible'. Because, to learn to succeed, you have to first learn to fail. Concentrate on finding your goal, then concentrate on reaching it. 

Also, you should change the way you think of the word 'fail'.  Instead of thinking something along the lines of 'ahh I failed, there's no point, I'll just keep on failing no matter what I do', you should think of it like this. 'ahh I failed, oh well, there's no changing that, I'll just make sure I won't fail next time.' Since failure, is simply the chance to begin again, except this time, more intelligently. 

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

Even footing?

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving."
Albert Einstein

Balance. Not the kind where you see how long it takes for you to fall over, but the type that helps you determine equal value. A lot of things are usually balanced, otherwise they would go out of control. For example, a scale. If the scale was not balanced, you wouldn't know if one object weighs the same as another. 

Ever heard someone say that everyone is equal? That no-one is better than anyone else? You probably think that's rubbish. After all, you might not be as smart as everyone else, so how can you possibly be equal? It may be true that you aren't as smart as someone else. However, that doesn't mean you can't be someone's equal. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. You may be unbelievably smart, but be completely crap at sport. You could be really fit, but have really poor social skills. Or, you could be a massive player, but not very smart. Everyone excels in different areas, you can't be good at everything.  Also, depending on your environment, everybody grows in a different way. You might hate yourself, and desperately want to change who you are, and your life that goes with it. But running away, changing your name, none of these things help. After all, you can't run away from yourself. 

Everything in your life will eventually balance out. It doesn't matter where you are now, or how your life is now. You should still work hard to achieve whatever you wish to do after leaving school. Even if you don't have a career already mapped out for yourself, there will still be places that you want to go to. Work towards those first. 

You can't create something out of nothing. To become smarter, you have to spend time and effort to study, the same goes to fitness, you have to work hard for it. You can't magically wish yourself to become smarter or stronger overnight, no matter how much you want it. You have to be willing to make sacrifices as well. 

What I'm trying to get at here, is that you are fine the way you are. You should never beat yourself up for thinking that you're inferior to anyone else. Instead, you should work hard, it all pays off in the end. 

Nothing is perfect, but they can be balanced.

renewal

The time we spend together is so special, I could never replace any of them. 

This feeling is so wonderful, it makes today seem like a wild dream.

focus.

Prayer. I've been praying for the same thing, for almost an entire year now. I'm quite sure that I started praying for this thing, this time last year. But when I stopped praying for it, things went from good, to horrible. I then started praying for the same thing again, along with something else. That 'something else', was for a second chance.

But when prayers turn into promises, nothing can stand in their way. I made that prayer, into a promise for myself. 

It takes a long, long time, to form a strong bond with someone. How well we understand each other, how much we trust each other, is a sign of how strong our bond is. I did a random trust test, and found out which people trust me the most. But trust, is something we all need. That bond we have with each other, can be destroyed in a matter of seconds, even though its taken so long to build. Once that happens, you only have 2 choices. Either, you rebuild that bond you once had, or you let it fade into a memory.

It might seem impossible to rebuild that bond, but I have a focus, to make the impossible, possible. 

Devoted to you

All I want is to see your face shining down on me

All I want is to touch your heart

All I want is you.

P-P-P-PLANETSHAKERS 20TEN :D

So this week, was THE best week of the holidays. PlANETSHAKERS 20TEN AND CRASHING AT NG'S HOUSE. :D :D :D

From the 6th - 9th of April, I was at the Planetshakers concert, which was absolutely awesome. 4 days straight of worship and prayer, the best. Also, with awesome people as well :D I learnt so much this week at planetshakers, and its completely changed me as a person. Before, I thought I was an all right role model for all the younger people at youth, but now, after planetshakers, I've grown so much closer to God and found that I can be so much better, giving my all for the Lord. The preachers were all REALLY, UNBELIEVABLY GOOD. The people that spoke were Russel Evans, Sam Evans, John Bevere, Rich Wilkinson Jnr, REGGIE DABBS AND BISHOP T.D JAKES (Y)(Y)(Y).  All of their words were inspiring, but the people in bold, I took more notice, of, because their words spoke to me more than the others.

Some things that really spoke to me:
Reggie Dabbs - He preached twice to us this week, and some things that really hit me, that he said, were:
"If your decision can kill, then your decision can help someone live." - Optimistic encouragement to make the right decision.
"God is the potter, and you are the clay. He is shaping us into who we are. When you jump off the table, go against what God has in store for you, he won't stop you. He also won't force you back onto the table, BUT, he will help you back up."
John Bevere - His message, took up two sessions, but it was also an amazing message.He talked about empowerment and the grace of God.
"How do we live an extraordinary life? With the Grace of God."
Grace = Charis = God's empowerment that gives us the ability to go beyond our natural ability.
"God expects us to advance his world."
"We have access to the pipeline of faith to the water of grace we need."
"Grace, is God's empowerment."
"You have a slave mentality, you have to replace that with a King's mentality."
Bishop T.D Jakes - He was probably the best speaker at this conference in my opinion (Y)
"God will hold back greatness, to see your motives, a test of faith."
"When good things grow, bad things grow right beside it. Don't expect trouble to hide from you." 
"We have a tendency to need to fix what's going wrong in our lives. But God will get you out of those things. He will get you out of trouble."
"For every struggle in your life, there is a strategy."
"You are too busy trying to fix everything yourself, you don't hear God's strategy."
"Suicide, always leaves people confused."
"There is nothing that God cannot go through."
"Don't let fear hold you back."
Rich Wilkinson Jnr - "Why do you believe it? Because I choose to."

Those are some of the powerful quotes from the preachers, but the things that I learnt the most out of Planetshakers this year, is that if "I serve the man, the man has a plan". Which means that if i serve the Lord, then everything that goes on in my life, has a reason. That it is all planned out already. Also, that i can overcome any trial, any difficulty and keep going, keep going until I reach my goal. With the grace of God. And the last thing, that life is like vapor, it's here one moment, gone the next, so forget about organising things, you never know what tomorrow will hold.

"I surrender all."

The other awesome thing, was the sleepover at Kelly and Krystin's house. At the end of the conference, Friday night, Nick, Paul, Heidi, Thomas and I went over to the ng's house to sleepover. When we got there we ate first, because we were all starving, and then we went to their downstairs thingo, and played lots of random games. Their sister Karyn, was also with us :D First, we played big 2, with the loser eating an expired donut (N) I lost twice D: but luckily I didn't need to take a dump (: THEN, we played chubby bunnies :D, we have videos, that should be up on facebook (if it's not, then it will be soon :D) and we also made some people sing with marshmallows in their mouths (Y) haha Then the last thing we played was charades, teams were Kelly, Nick, Karyn and I vs Krystin, Heidi, Paul and Thomas. and wow. Thomas's acting is just...I can't even think of a word to describe it |: And Thomas also got his facebook hacked, and it was done really well aswell (Y) good job Kelly (: haha

One other thing, throughout this week, I realised something. I'm going to keep that something to myself. But i will tell you that I declared it to God through prayer, and he is my witness. and to keep people guessing, it has something to do with someone that I spent the week with. Which is basically someone from Planetshakers (:

ANYWAY.................

As I said at the start. BEST WEEK OF THE HOLIDAYS.

Aftermath

It's been over a month. Are things really back to the way they were before?
Is my life running as though it never happened?
Have I really forgotten about you?
Or is there still some part of me, deep down, that still wishes things never changed?
I keep a happy outlook, cheer up the people around me, give them advice, because I don't want any of them to go through the same things as I did.
But am I just hiding?
Every now and then, I think about you, remember those happy days. Wonder, about how things would be now, if that never happened.
Even though it's awkward now. Even though we don't talk. I haven't forgotten.
All I can do now is move on, and hopefully, find another. 

Even though that door is shut now. It can still be opened. I have to seal that door, and pray that it never opens again.

It's always good to have friends that care. To have friends to remind me, that it wasn't my fault, that no matter what I did, it would have happened anyway. Having them occupy me is also a bonus, to keep my mind off things. Time to completely let go Andy.

I've filled that hole in my heart, with the light of hope. Not a perfect fit, but that light will grow, and in time, will fit perfectly.